Blog in Review

I was checking on my old friendster blog for an entry on Barbra Streisand (who is on my player right now). I could not help to check my other previous entries, some of which made me cringe at their atrociousness. I found a few entries that were pretty interesting nonetheless. I pulled out a few sections that I felt like sharing today.

• On being a pornstar... I don’t know how my parents raised me, but I still have this nagging fantasy of becoming a porn star someday. I think porn stars have all the fun – they get fucked like hell and they earn bucks at the same time!

• On depression... I am officially depressed. One of the most striking symptoms of a depressed person is self-destructive behavior, and I guess my rambling above (about smoking, not exercising, not eating, drinking too much) would prove that. I like the idea that I’m depressed actually. Depression has always been fashionable ever since celebrities started checking in at “recovery clinics” for nervous breakdowns and substance abuse. Not that I’m due for some nervous breakdown anytime soon. Nor do I plan to dabble into illegal drugs. (God, definitely not in Davao where the Davao Death Squad would surely kill me first.)

• On eating... Eating has never been my favorite thing to do anyway. I find it an awful waste of time. I only eat when I’m hungry but it’s never something I enjoy the way most people do. For me, shoving food in my mouth is such a chore. It’s like washing the dishes or sweeping the floor.

• On relationships... Listening to quite a number of relationship problems, I’ve long wondered why men choose women as partners. I have enough proof that men and women don’t understand each other. There are just too much opposing forces between them. Emotionally, they hardly see each other eye to eye. Men are always complaining that women are too emotional, while women whine about men’s insensitivity... So I suggest men should start having relationships with men and this goes the same with women. I think it makes more sense that you have a relationship with someone who understands you; who shares your interests; who has the same emotional coding as you. No wonder fags and dykes have the most fun relationships all the time.

• And more on relationships... I am convinced that I am not a relationship person. Or say, I am not up for the "drama" in relationships. I remember what a rollercoaster ride my two previous relationships were. I don't want to go through that kind of hell again. Perhaps, I just couldn't accept that a relationship in most cases is one damn rollercoaster ride. I want everything to be smooth sailing, which is very impossible... I wish I could just be a cold-hearted bitch who could hurt people incessantly and not look back. I also wish that I could be a cold-hearted bitch who would not mind being trampled by others. But then that bitch is not me. So I simply choose to avoid situations wherein I could potentially hurt people or let others hurt me.

• On college... I chose to spend three quarters of college life as a loner. This was one of my longest periods of seclusion. I was very shy; making friends was an effort I virtually shunned. At the dorm where I spent seven semesters I hardly had any friends. I’d dine at the canteen on my own while the rest of my dorm-mates formed cliques. I simply drifted unnoticed at the dorm. Friendship was limited. I could not even remember the names of my roommates if asked now.

• On divas... If one day I’d be a drag queen (why not?) I am going to be a Barbra without doubt. I already have her nose anyway so it should be a seamless transformation. Shet, walang kokontra, ok?

• On work... I have secret: I'm always in a state of panic at work... intentionally that is. I seem to do things more efficiently when I have some adrenaline rush. So I have learned how to psyche my self like the deadline of every task is ten minutes away. When in a state of contrived panic all my energies are focused on what I'm doing. I'm in a trance.

And I found this queer photo of me in Davao. Didn't I work it?