Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Tinimbang Ka Ngunit Sobra

For the longest time I seem to have a deep-seated resentment of my body. I've always been skinny for as long as I could remember. My most skinny period was in college when a heap of changes was dumped on me. This was coupled by a metabolism that was just way too fast for my own good (it comes with the age I suppose). I tried gaining weight at that that time by gorging on milk and pills of multivitamins but that simply did not work.

When I started working I found my self with enough extra cash to go to the gym. I sustained this for about three years. My initial goal then was not really on gaining weight as I had come to terms (sort of) with my body already although I was as skinny as ever. I was more concerned about my health; besides I thought the gym was a nice place to meet guys. Instead I met amazing, lifelong friends

Little by little people noticed that I was building some bulk. Disappointingly, my legs were skinny as ever no matter how hard I tried the calf exercises. I also began taking yoga lessons and swam twice a week. I was not however inclined to parading my new "buff" self. I even reached a point where I got very self-conscious with the attention I was getting.

In 2005, I stopped going to the gym for no apparent reason. I started reading Bryanboy's blog, who seem to be the biggest advocate for anorexia in this part of this world. I could not understand how I got swayed by his tenet of complete emaciation as the best look anyone can have. Nonetheless, I simply started avoiding carbohydrates and ventured into vegetarianism. Dabbling into weight loss coincided with a lot of changes I brought to my life. I moved to Manila, had a new job, and became semi-depressed in the process. Thus, the weight loss was very drastic and fast.

Several months into my first foray at losing weight, I looked at the mirror and found my self all bones and nothing else. Think hollow cheeks and ribs sticking out. Yuck noh? Mid last year, I started on an informal weight gain program. I simply stuffed my self to the brink of throwing up. I constantly checked my weight and hoped that I gained a few pounds. Ultimately I weighed a few pounds more from the effort. However, I realize that I developed a paunch in the process, which is the last thing on earth I'd want.

So a couple of months ago I went back to watching what I eat. I was a vegetarian once again, a lifestyle that I'm still struggling with until now. This apparently worked because I'm fast losing the paunch and at the same time I feel healthier having cut down on meat. I've also successfully reduced cola intake and all other junk food, which was quite easy because I never liked them anyway.

Currently I like my body better, a feeling that I've never had for quite some time now. I'd try to maintain the 145 lbs that I am right now. I have yet to reach my ideal weight yet though (ideal on the basis of a chart I found at the office clinic that says I have to weigh 155 lbs).

I realized I really should stop playing with my weight. It's purely insane, if not unhealthy. However, looking at its history, I seem to change my mind about how I should look on a seasonal basis. Who knows what new weight trends would emerge and whether it catches my fancy. God forbid rubenesque would come back.

6 comments:

Kyle said...

Our minds and bodies are all one, not separate, and when we don't like our bodies they develop problems. It sounds like a cliché, but you have to love the body you are in in order to be able to make the most of it. And I think almost everyone can be in shape, even if they don't look like whom they find attractive.

kawadjan said...

i totally agree. loving one's body is a process and i'm getting there (hopefully). :) thanks again for mentioning me in your blog. :)

Ela Bona said...

I agree with what Kyle said Gi. You have to love your body. I don't think you're the "tabain" person. So just eat healthy. Don't be so conscious. Beauty comes in naturally, not by force.:-)

http://itsmeela.wordpress.com

pat said...

if any of your weight-gaining schemes work, please let me know. i could use some tips as i'm ultra skinny myself. can u beat 110 lbs? Ü

rashidsmom said...

What is wrong with being rubenesque!??! It is the new black my dear.

:) comment made by an obese woman who loves her curves.

kawadjan said...

Ela, promise, i'd learn how to love my body WHEN i am perfect already. choz!

Pat, how did u reach 110 lbs? kainggit naman.

Sarah, everything's wrong about being rubenesque. i don't love your curves and neither do you. choz! so let's jog and yoga na til we drop.

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