Crave

This is the depression that I predicted a few weeks back.

The problem is I have a sense of entitlement to success. I have an illusion that I deserve to always win, ergo failure is never option. When I have invested all my energies in a goal that I would turn out to be defeated in I feel very insignificant.

So for now nothing's worth looking forward to. I'm yet in another phase of stagnation. It's scary when things in my life go on a standstill because the craziest thoughts come into my mind. I simply lose any sense of foresight hence I can make some really brash decisions.

I wish I could lay low for a while. I wish I could stop anticipating for the next big thing to happen in my life.

But the truth is I don't even live in the present. The present is inconsequential. It is boring and something best left behind immediately. Instead, I've chosen to base my life on a sense of anticipation. I just need something to look forward to, something to latch my life on, at least momentarily. Anything, as long as it gives me a sense of purpose.

Photo Credit: Hedi Slimane Diary