Wake Up!

I'm in an emotional rut these past days. And it's for no particular reason at all. I feel listless and restless at the same time. Strange noh?

I was YMing with Allyson the Diva from Cotabato yesterday and I mentioned that I seem to have this overflowing energy that badly needs a fucking outlet. But since I don't have one right now I've become a frustrated wreck instead.

I feel that my penchant for being alone has backfired. I have more time to think. Introspection per se is not bad, but if I keep on thinking about the things that I lack I seem to deliberately push my self to desolation. God, I have to tame my inner drama queen pronto.

I even told Allyson that maybe I'd just volunteer for the UN or something. I bet they need some flamboyant fags in the hinterlands. Or I can go home for a while; perhaps visit my grandma in Siargao, just do nothing but catch skin cancer in the beach. Maybe I should start a garden or a terrarium (hahaha, parang Science project!) to grow parsely in. Or perhaps I'd feed the stray cats in our neighbourhood. Basta, any distraction would do.

(The fag pauses, pouts, and breathes at this point.)

Ok, I can't force my self to be happy all the freaking time. There are just bad periods; this is one. Sometimes I need to entertain these feelings without necessarily being dragged by them.

I'm giving my self this weekend to nurse my emotional deflation. After that I'd shake it all off and start smiling.