Libog Blues

I never thought the day would come when I'd refuse an outright invitation to have sex with this uber sexy Thai guy I met at a Silom bar. Let's call him Jack. I've seen him in the club on several occasions before and damn, he's gawgeous. Fucking gawgeous. But then he's always at some distance from me, I would just satisfy my self with stealing glances at him and his other equally hot friends.

A couple of nights ago, courtesy of the endless shoving of people in the bar, I found Jack inches from where I stood. Our eyes met, he smiled, I had an orgasm (charing!). We held hands and danced. Several times his hands would grab parts of my body I would not dare mention here. The introductions came later, which is often the case in these kinds of encounters anyway. More minutes of dancing and touching passed, and then he whispered that he's going home.

"I want you to come with me," he said.

"I can't."

He gave me that cute pleading look.

"I just can't, I'm sorry," I replied.

He smiled and left, with me muttering to my self, "Shet sayang! Shet, shet, sheeeeet!!!"

When the Pranses left for the holidays, I was at a quandary over what we really are. I reckoned we have something going on but still nothing serious enough to stop me from seeing other men. Saw other men I did! In the course of the past three weeks, I met two former "dates", and definitely these are innocuous meetings. Coffee, dinner, movie. There were instances when things tread dangerous territory but I've successfully managed to pull away from all the kalibugan, thank God. Also, with the frequency of my visits to gay clubs lately, I constantly find my self avoiding having eye contact with men for fear that things would go out of control. OK, a transgression was made a couple of nights back. But in all other cases, I simply danced my night to exhaustion.

PJ says I'm sort of stupid to let hedonistic opportunities go unexploited. If I do otherwise, I am not in any way violating my so-called "relationship" with the Pranses coz he and I do not have any relationship to speak of. Maybe PJ is right. Maybe this is my inner drama queen kicking in yet again.

All I really want is to look the Pranses straight in the eye when he comes back. Fuck, that Pranses better be worth all these bloody sacrifices.