Thursday, December 27, 2007

Judgment Day

So it's the time of the year again when one evaluates the 12 months that's about to close, a thing that I'm not exactly fond of. Most of the time I regard my so-called annual commitments a huge disaster. This obviously is the case this year based on how miserably I failed in pursuing my "perspectives" and "fundamentals" for 2007 (rolls eyes!). Or did I?

Just to review, below are my 2007 commitments and their respective self-evaluation. Just like in the university, I'd give my self a grade, with 5 as the failing grade, 3 as passing the grade, and with 1 as the highest mark.

De-center. Think more about other people.

Hmm... this is a tough one. I certainly listened more to my friends without my usual judgmental eye. My relationship with my sister reached all-time high. My friendships likewise flourished by choosing to maintain the old connections and giving birth to new ones. So I can give my self a rating of 2 because still I think I need to be more intensive in knowing people rather than just meeting them.

Share. Give. Bridge. Reach out.

An absolute 5! No fucking doubt about it. (What was I thinking when I made this commitment though, that I was in the Miss Universe?) I could not remember me giving out to charity this year, much less volunteer in anything remotely cause-oriented, unless it is MY cause of course. I should concede that this has yet to be my most selfish year ever. No Nobel Prize for me yet.

Be thankful. Complaining gets me nowhere.

Whining has always been very tempting instead of looking at the bright side of things. If I review my posts for 2007, I bemoaned about boredom at work and with life in general. I also lambasted my self for not getting the scholarships I vied for. Several times I vented my frustration over the lack of excitement in my life, whatever I meant by that. The second half of the year was better for me though. I moved to another city, got a new job, and met amazing people. All these I'm definitely thankful for. With half of the year spent on complaining and another half spent on being grateful for the opportunities landing my way, I will give my self a passing grade of 3.

Appreciate rather than criticize.

Hmmm... I cannot remember what I meant by this, hence I shall skip this particular commitment for now.

Be curios so I'd discover more

I maintained my passion for expanding my knowledge this year. When it comes to reading, I ventured into history, economics, and sociology. I now belong to an organization whose field is not my specialization, I was thus motivated to discover another subject of thought. Moving to another country also piqued my curiosity on Southeast Asia in general, a topic that I feel I hardly know about and I'm bent on fastly grasping its dynamic culture and history. Meanwhile, being just adventurous in say discovering the city has helped me in boundless ways to understand and appreciate the nuances of this complex urban landscape and its inhabitants. Traveling has also broadened my horizons about the experiences of other people and I plan to do more of that in 2008. For this criteria therefore, I'd give my self a 1.

Honesty has always been the best policy.

Oh, no doubt I will give my self a high mark on this (charing!). I continue to believe and practice honesty to my self and to other people, so I'd deserve a 1 (charing talaga!).

Reflect. Improve self-awareness. Listen more to my heart.

Another tricky one. Of course I'm self-aware coz I'm perpetually selfish anyway. But how that self-awareness has brought me anywhere is another question. Especially the line: listen to my heart (gasp!). Well, reflection is something I regularly do, in particular when I'm confused or frustrated. Introspection helps me calm me down. While there are no major breakthroughs this year, keeping the habit of self-reflection and awareness was good enough, therefore I shall give my self a 2.

Balance: planning vs. taking risks.

For the first half of the year I was obsessed with planning. It seemed I had a clear vision of my self, that of studying in Europe. Slowly these plans crumbled as caused by my laziness or pure katangahan. Sigh. But then the opportunity of working and living abroad came my way, and this definitely were not part of my plans. Just the same, I took the risk, thinking what do I have to lose anyway? Indeed it was a risk worth taking. I still could not believe how lucky I am right now, and I could only be very thankful.

If only I have the same bravado for taking risks in love as well. But 2008 holds a lot of promise, so you better watch out, bitch.

A 2 for this criteria.

There is no there way other than self-improvement.

Oh, so how does one measure self-improvement? The important thing is, it gives me comfort that despite the roller coaster ride that was 2007, I matured in countless ways and indeed ready for the next year. But still, since maturity is a long process I'm giving my self an INCOMPLETE.

10 comments:

Quentin X said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back anyway. Well done. Happy a happy and prosperous new year.

kawadjan said...

thanks quentin. ;-) cheers to you too!

3rdWorld Stylist is RCXY (ahr-see) said...

hi...if you want some fashion chika from home, feel free to check out http://3wstylist.blogspot.com/

fuchsiaboy said...

im all for self reinvention and improvement. hows the pranses?

kawadjan said...

3rdworld stylist: thanks for the visit dear. i love your blog, btw. edgy!

fuchsiaboy: ang hirap ng spelling ng name! thanks for dropping by. the pranses is coming back a week from now. i can't fucking wait of course. j'adore your blog!

fuchsiaboy said...

uy anu email mo?

email me at protasiodon@yahoo.com

hirap magtsika sa comments kaya.hehehe

well my name is hard to spell because only a true blue fasyon PLU (people like us) can glide through it smoothly.hehehe

and please check this out and join:

http://sisterhoodofukay.multiply.com/

di ba mahilig ka sa ukay? i think may ukay din dyan sa thailand.

lol!

rashidsmom said...

you have been a good boy this year. really. you can't be bad even if you tried :)

kawadjan said...

fuchsiaboy: will email you soon dear. i'd love to hear about your exploits in dusty siem reap. lol. yeah, may ukay2x nga dito sa thailand, pero miss ko ang frenzy of ukay2x in davao. charing.

sarah: i know, i'm getting my halo tomorrow. pinapalagyan ko pa ng diamonds. miss you dear. you've been a good girl this year too (rolls eyes) :-)

ika said...

you may hate me now but i'll say the short locks did you good.

kawadjan said...

hi ika! thanks for visiting my blog ha. i don't hate you dear. feeling ko nga lumabas ang jaw ko with my short hair. choz!

cheers!

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