Wednesday, October 01, 2008


All right, it's that time again when I celebrate yet another month in the City of Angels. Fourteen months. Anyway, to mark this occasion, I'd touch on a topic that I've long wanted to write about.

Let's talk about dating in Bangkok, shall we?

But first a disclaimer: I don't believe my impressions are unique to BKK. Any gay man living in any big city would probably relate with some of my insights.

On my first few months here, someone told me that in this city, finding sex is easy but finding love is difficult. I guess that's an understatement. It should be: finding sex is easy but finding love is nearly impossible.

Let's go back to my full-time research on the gay scene in BKK. In my in-depth interviews with the more prolific, ehem, "daters", it has come to my attention that dating - as we commonly define a relationship in which two people commit to know each other and probably explore bringing it to a deeper level - is pretty much unheard of in this city. Everybody is a one-night stand, or a gig at best.

Gig... this is one aspect of dating in BKK that shook my senses. When my friend first mentioned this to me, I thought he was talking about a band performance or something similar. But then, a gig apparently is a semi-date, a relationship that straddles between a fuck buddy and a friend. Oh, maybe a friends-with-benefits kind of set-up. There's nothing baffling about this but the prevalence of this set-up is disturbing.

I have the impression that if you're looking for a potential lover in BKK... hmmm... how shall I say this gently?... Well, just don't count on it, dahling. There is simply a dearth of quality men out there. Don't get me started on quality coz I definitely have a mouthful to say about freaking quality. I hope I'm wrong about this, please God. But the experiences of my friends and my experience show that men in this city just don't go beyond sex. That's a lot of generalization right there, and again, please God, someone please prove me that I'm wrong.

Well, what can you expect from me? I base my impressions on the guys I meet on the internet, which obviously is not the most reliable platform to meet decent guys. How can I put more emphasis on that? All right, that again is a generalization. Afterall, I met two of my closest friends on the internet and I couldn't be more thankful for that. And I also used to date someone I met on the internet; that one wasn't that bad either. But then, in most cases, the guys on the net are not worth taking seriously (and this discussion is worth a post of its own... one of these days).

Do not take this city seriously. That's the advice I gave to a friend who recently moved to BKK. I wish somebody told me this when I frist came here as well. But then, I had to learn my lesson the more difficult way.

And through that process, I realized how I've totally changed over the course of my stay here (at least on how I approach dating). More and more I've noticed what a big whore I've become (at least according to my standards). (Oh, the labels we use to describe ourselves!) Even the prospect of dating someone does not excite me anymore knowing well in advance what a disappointment it would be anyway.

So there, I definitely point a finger to my self for participating in this whole scene that I'm criticizing, and I don't have any excuse for that. As my friend and I always say, you cannot change the rules here, might as well play along with it. At the end of the day, it's me who's swallowed by the current of the city.


Gibo said...

di kaya ang taas ng standard mo ning? as i said, baka naman parang kang si leah salonga in the land of videokes.

..or maybe you explore other places to meet temples :-)


mukhang ang saving grace na lang ng bangkok ay shopping.

kiel said...

mwahahahaha. si gibo nagco-comment about standards being to high?! mwahahahahaha.

eniwey, back to kawadjan - yung guy sa b&w pic sa post: love ko na sya. & we haven't even met. so who says love is hard to find? baka hindi sya taga-bkk?

what i'm saying is - feeling ko lang - don't let the mainstream (gay) culture in bkk eat you up (no pun intended). be the romantic that you are. wear your heart in your sleeve if you want to. kahit na masaktan ka ng maraming beses. kahit ma-disappoint ka. kahit you have to go through the internet haystack to find that needle of a decent guy - who must be there somewhere. mas ok yun kesa magkakalyo ang puso mo.

sabi nga sa erstwhile fave tv show ko, "don't let the world win, ally mcbeal."

fuchsiaboy said...

dahling, you havent reached the pinnacle of your social climbing ways in bangkok so definitely you haven't checked the merchandise of the balenciaga toting, creed smelling haute society. why settle for the crumbs when you can definitely eat the whole pie? di nababagay ang katulad mo sa mga mass market brands. at least, even if you date somebody rich with a personality of a protozoan, you can actually ask people, 'what does my Valentino dress tell you?'

gawin mo na lang playground ang BKK.

may plan ka na bang maging housewife at ito ang tema mo ngayun? i can't see you in a duster girl. just in case you have housewife fantasies, just make sure ang duster mo eh cavalli caftan or oscar de la renta.

Lyka Bergen said...

Mababaw ba ang mga Bang-Cocks? Sabi naman ng isa kong friend, Thailand raw is the Brazil of Asia. Sex ang National Past Time. How true?

jericho said...

love is always hard to find ... kung madali syang makita, it won't be such a high-priced commodity (finance and emotion-wise)

JaffyG said...

naku girard, it's better naman na right at the start, you already know what to expect di ba?

unlike here in Manila where guys indeed "commit" to love but stick their dicks into as many holes they could find.

which is worse?

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

lol@ jaffyg. i noticed that about manila guys.they're oh so sweet until they find someone else.

kawadjan, did you ever think that maybe you have to do through the rubble to find the jewel? there's lots of jerks everywhere. you just have to find the right guy.

W. said...

To me it seems like this is an issue in any big city. I've lived in San Fran, Washington DC, Dallas, Bangkok, London, and even in midwestern Kansas City, sex is always infinitely more easy to find than a loving relationship. Don't give up the ship, you might be shopping in your corner grocery, or squeezed in next to "him" on a subway tram. Love has an odd way of finding you and sneaking up on you when you've given it up for long lost.

The Zen Bitch said...

tingin ko, medyo universal naman ang katotohanan na madaling maghanap ng sex at mahirap makakita ng love... parang odds yata ng pananalo sa lotto...

sorry... wala yata akong maipapayo sa iyo... unless gusto mong makarinig ng mga cliche...

kawadjan said...

gibo: sa temples? anech, monks? hmmm... market yan ni don.

keil: naman! dapat di matakot masaktan. oh dear, easier said than done.

don: ayyyy... yokong maging housewife dahling. gusto ko maging first lady at nakasuot ng chanel sa mga state functions. makakarating tayo dyan.

lyka: ay di na ako sasagot sa tanong mo at baka ma-deport pa akech.

jericho: pagmamahal na ginamitan ng economic theory! feel ko.

jaff: oh dear, don't get me started on dating in manila. and i know you happen to have an extensive experience there no. share!

john: i think i'd do that. kahit mabali ang kuko ko sa kaka-kalmot sa rubble... go pa rin.

w: right. the superficiality of gay dating seems like an urban phenomenon wherein everything is commodified. i'm definitely not pleased.

zen bitch: hala uy, i would have to get more advice from you somehow. choz! but then, taya pa rin ng taya. malay mo di ba?


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