Whining in Phuket

I wonder why I bothered to make that trip to Phuket last week. But I have to do my duties as my office's representative to the Miss Chenelyn Boom-Boom 2009, a decision that shocked me to bits.

When I went on a very quick visit to Phuket in March of last year with Bubbles, Phuket did not really leave me a good impression at all. It's way too over-commercialized for my plebeian taste. It is just charmless, to say the least.

The pageant was held in the Laguna Phuket. I had a retinue of three people from the office: one hairstylist slash make-up artist, one stylist, and my Singaporean maid. I had to put them into one suite each coz that's all I can afford.

When I entered into my own suite, I immediately wanted to fly back to BangCock. The room was ginormous, far from the tiny slum shack I grew up in. I instantly fell sooooo empty. With all that space, some company would have been much appreciated. So it's true, the life of a top beauty queen is oftentimes lonely.

Ewwww, I hated that Laguna Phuket place. It was all fake, fake, fake. It was secluded from everything: foodshops, entertainment venues, shopping centers, and so on. It's just a world on its own of massive concrete resorts that wind around lagoons (maybe fake ones anyway).

The resort we were at had like five swimming pools where most tourists probably stay the entire day. So much for going to the BEACH. So much for seeing the actual Phuket, for chrissaskes. I would not be surprised if their entire Phuket experience is all about those damn pools and the comfort of their suites.

Gosh, we all know those resorts are freaking expensive, but they just lack character.

Anyway, back to the Miss Chenelyn Boom-Boom 2009 peageant. I met the other contestants from the various parts of Southeast Asia and we immediately had the Q&A portion. I gave a very concise but witty answer that I'm sure left the other cunts dumbfounded.

"I'm not nerbous... my pamily is... my pamily are... hehaw, hehaw, hehaw...", right Janina?

That same night was the parade of nations slash evening gown competition, in which I outwerqed them bitches. Dahling, I was in my resplendent Barong Tagalog from... drumroll please... Landmark in Makati City, Las Islas Filipinas, La Third World (thanks Charina Chucubelles!).

Needless to say, I won the crown. Oh, everyone predicted that, no? Wave, wave, kiss, kiss.

The evening ended with a long, two-minute firework display... or was that kwitis and watusi? Anyway, it certainly sounded like fireworks to me, bitches.

The next day, the other contestants (a.k.a. Thank You Girls) and the Queen of all Queens (a.k.a. Moi) had a tour of Phang Nga Bay to see the over-rated James Bond Island (which I have also visited last year with Bubbles).

It was an hour's bus ride from Phuket and then we boarded a long-tail boat that brought us deep into mangrove forests surrounded by tall karst cliffs. Yawn...

Finally, we reached James Bond Island, which looked tired from all the undeserved attention it was getting. For the love of God, it was just a rock sticking out in the middle of murky water, what's the freaking big deal? Give it a rest!

We then headed to Koh Panyee, that small Muslim Village where most tourists have lunch. Yawn...

In the evening, we all went to the despicable Phuket Fantasea, which I have also seen last year, to my dismay. To my dear publique, if you are cursed of ever going to Phuket one day, please avoid Phuket Fantasea at all cost. The show is magnificent in technical terms but it is just uninspired and is devoid of any context.

Finally, after a long day of doing my duties, it was time to take the crown off my head for the evening. That crown is damn heavy ha, thanks to Tambunting. And then I had to fold the long gowns, dry the swimsuits, place my fifteen pairs of shoes in boxes... oh, my Singaporean maid was doing that for me pala.

I woke up pretty early the next day anticipating my flight back to BangCock. I said goodbye to Phuket and prayed silently that I shall never be back there ever again.