Damsel in Distress Dot Com

When I was a little girl growing up in Surigao, I'd often find my self sitting on some boulders in the beach and silently wishing for a sinewy boy to emerge from the depths of the sea and who'd whisk me towards the sunset on his little boat.

What was I thinking??? I wonder who gave me the idea that Prince Charming would come from the water instead of say riding a white horse or a more gallant mode of transport other than a a shaky boat with outriggers and propelled by a small oar.

Also, one time I'd thought that Prince Charming would appear from behind an imposing column in a construction site, all sweaty, and wearing a helmet and a smile (and nothing else). Oh that was the time I discovered porn.

And why do they have to appear with such theatrics anyway?

Don't worry though, I've a long time ago abandoned such fanciful thoughts.

He doesn't have to come into my life with a spotlight shining on him, in slow motion, and with a Barbra Streisand soundtrack. Lady Gaga would do, no?

When I was in the university I fantasized that I'd meet my man in the library. Say we'd bump into each other while searching for the last copy of a William Golding or Graham Greene novel, those massive shelves crammed with yellowing books witnessing the first few seconds our eyes meet.

Or how about brushing against his arm while I closely examine a humongous landscape painting inside a cavernous museum. He wouldn't notice me at first coz he's equally mesmerized by the same painting. Seemingly annoyed by my intrusion on his concentration, he will make a quick glance at me and realize that he's looking directly at a true masterpiece. Buwahahaha!!!

Is it just me or do many other gay men think about the scenarios of how they'd meet their man? (Gosh, I'd avoid putting "ideal" and "man" together, OK?)

At one time I wished we'd bump into each other in the bookstore. Or perhaps meet him in one of my travels. Or something a bit unexpected and, say, uhm, romantic.

But not meet him on the internet, puhlease.

I have nothing against meeting men on the internet, per se. But really it's not the most romantic thing on earth, don't you agree? It's just way too deliberate and tinted with being a bit too cruise-y. Not exactly charming no?

In as much as I didn't envision my self to actually meet potential dates on the internet, I do have a fair share of experiences along that line. Which brings out some inner conflict coz it runs against the grain of my, ehem... fantasies.

Fantasies aside, however, the internet is no doubt one of the most convenient places to meet men. Honestly, I could not think of any other platform of doing so, having ditched the idea of randomly bumping into them in less-obvious places, i.e. bookstores, museums, or while traveling.

Am I putting such "venues" on a scale then? That it's more respectable to meet men in places other than the internet? Maybe so, although it does sound judgmental, no?

But really, the internet is sooo obvious. It's a marketplace where you blatantly put your self out there for the highest bidder (whatever that means) and where you likewise bid for that boy with the cutest smile but with a badly-written profile, hoping that somehow you could work something out (again, whatever that means).

Maybe I'm still stuck with the perception that the main motivation for gay men to be on these dating sites is just sex. That there's hardly any decent guy in a site where there are more torso shots and cock pictures than real faces. That there are no date-able guys in a site where 90 percent of the people are "looking for no strings attached hook-ups" or "I'm up for some high sex" (meaning there's some drugs involved) or "me lonely, looking for someone to take care me", and all those asinine profiles.

God knows I've a number of good friends whom I met in some gay dating site (you know who you are, bitches). And no, our meetings were not based on the premise of dating nor some mindless hook-up (God forbid!). It is clear enough for me that a few men on the internet are just out there to meet friends.

One time I was with a group of friends whom I met on the net and I was introduced to one of their female friends whose first question was "so how did you two meet?". I swear I just went red on the face and quickly threw a "help me out here, bitch" look to my friend who did not have any decent lie to say either other than, "why don't we sit down?" until the question was forgotten eventually.

A message to women: Never, and I mean NEVER, ask your gay friends where they meet their gay friends, OK? It's a rather sensitive question. Hmp.

This happened on more than one occasion. With such frequency of the question being asked I still do not know how to handle it other than, "that's a nice blouse you're wearing (you nosy cunt!)".

I'm truly aware that there's a prevailing stigma against meeting people on the net. In as much as I could prove that such perception has its many exceptions, I still wonder why I cannot shake off feeling disgraced.

And that's just for meeting friends. How much more if you solely concentrate on searching for a potential date, and say you find one, and realize later on that you did not meet in the most "decent" of venues.

Fuck decent! Is it me or just good-old Catholic guilt kicking in?

I guess I have to accept that there's nothing "indecent" about the internet. I can put it this way... before the internet people (and not just the gay kind) found ways of putting themselves out there for those who were also looking for potential dates.

I don't know, perhaps they go to a club or a dance hall. Or search through the pages of magazines headlined as "date finder" (remember them?). There would have been other venues, i.e. at parties, in school, at the workplace, etc.

So the internet comes in the picture and makes sifting through people essentially more convenient and even efficient (less time consumed, more comprehensive, etc.).

At the heart of these platforms, including the net (or any other more "decent" places), is that unrelenting hope that somehow, behind all those faces, behind all those ill-written profiles, behind the profusion of all the photoshopped abs, is someone who could be Prince Charming. And no, there's nothing "in-decent" about that.

Role Model: Eniko and Guinevere

So you think only uber skinny girls can become models?

How then do you explain my girl Lara Stone, aber? Well even Coco Rocha is rather bulky lately, no?

Despite being relatively plump compared to the current crop of beautifully cadaverous models (hello, Siri Tollerod and Olga Sherer!) Lara Stone is no doubt one of the world's top models. Go ask Karl Lagerfeld and Carine Roitfeld.

I still like my models emaciated like hell though. I'd marry Kinga Rajzak, Magdalena Frackowiak, or Amanda Laine anytime... and the list of these girls go on and on, I even have an altar for them in my bedroom.

But I don't mind those girls with, well... rounder arms, wider hips, and heavier bosoms landing in some fashion magazine or walking down the catwalk.

God knows I worship two of the, I don't want to say this... uhm, the fatter (there!) girls in the modeling world. They are absolutely two of the biggest names around and lo and behold they're not exactly as gaunt as the other mannequins.

In fact, their round figures have given them a special niche coz (1) there are very few of them and (2) they can do nudes much better than those girls with bones poking out of their hips. Besides, they always deliver some of the most inspiring fashion editorials and campaigns.

Eniko Mihalik, 21, is best known not only for her curvaceous body - she is size 4 (gasp!) - but also for her amazing face framed by two of the most astounding cheekbones on earth.

After winning the Hungarian Elite Model Look in 2002, she had her debut in 2006 at the Chanel couture show. She is currently under Elite (Milan and Paris), Marilyn Agency (NY), and Storm (London).

In 2008, world-famous photographers Inez van Lamsweerde and Vindooh Matadin put Eniko on an exclusive six-month contract.

She has appeared on the covers of Numero France, Vogue Nippon, W Korea, i-D, and V and has snagged countless editorials in such fashion bibles as Elle, Italian Vogue, and Vogue Paris. Among her campaigns are Gucci, MaxMara, Nicole Farhi, and H&M. Eniko is also in the 2010 Pirelli Calendar.

You can read more about Eniko on her Model Manual profile and her FMD entry.

Next is model veteran Guinevere van Seenus, 33, who is size 4 (oh dear!). The American's mother agency is IMG Models New York.

Her very long list of magazine covers starts with W in March 1996 followed by a cover on i-D in May of the same year. Since then she had landed on the covers of some of the biggest magazines in the world, including Numero France, Italian Vogue, i-D, Dazed and Confused (both UK and US), and L'Uomo Vogue.

In the spring of 1996 she also appeared as the face of Chanel and Jil Sander, thus starting an extremely successful career in ad campaigns with such brands as Bottega Veneta, Dolce and Gabbana, DKNY, Gap, Kenzo, Marc Jacobs, Nars, Moschino, and Versace under her belt.

Guinevere has also appeared in the Pirelli calendar in 1996 and 2006.

Her Model Manual profile is found here and her FMD entry is found here.

While Guinevere's career is years ahead of Eniko, it can be said that both models were the premiere "round models" in their generations that were largely dominated by girls who don't have hips and boobs to speak of.

I don't want to discuss the dearth of more hefty models these days.

I just hope people realize that models represent an ideal. They personify an aesthetic envisioned by fashion photographers, designers, stylists, and editors. It just so happens that the prevailing aesthetic of the moment is the more fragile, emaciated look.

Regular people (a euphemism for those with a body mass index of more than 20, moi included) are not supposed to refer to these images of perfection for their self-esteem, OK? Now go back to your carbs.

Time space warp, ngayon din!

When I was a kid growing up in faraway Surigao my family had a black and white TV. It had a dark wood casing and behind it was a brown wire that was connected to a spindly antennae propped on our roof. The TV was decked with knobs for the volume and other adjustments as well as buttons for changing the channels.

But then we only had one TV channel coz this was the age before cable TV. Instead, a company called Southern TV broadcasted movies and TV shows starting at six in the evening until about ten. Four hours a day is not bad at all.

My earliest memory of TV shows was of my mom crying in front of the TV set (why was it called a "set" anyway?) while watching the soap "Flor de Luna". I was only about four years old then and I could not understand Tagalog yet so I did not have any idea what the story line was. All I remember was a grainy close up of a girl in tears.

These were not direct airings from Manila though. Recordings of shows from Manila-based TV channels were flown in to Surigao. Southern TV then aired these shows, which were at least two weeks old, sometimes even a month old or perhaps much older.

I really could not care less about these TV shows mainly because there were no regular airings on TV. Sometimes there were months when nothing came out from the screen especially after a strong typhoon blew away the antennae, which was quite often.

One of our neighbors' mom worked in Saudi Arabia as a nurse, thus, they were blessed with a colored TV. They even had a Betamax player!

We would often hang out in their living room watching The Sound of Music, Annie, and Never Ending Story for the hundredth time. Occasionally we would watch The Ten Commandments, which was two tapes long. But that always made me sleep until Moses parts the sea in the second tape.

Much later on we'd have regular broadcasts of taped TV shows brought in from Manila, but still these were months delayed.

The ones I remember are Lovingly Yours, Helen and Eye to Eye. Again, I could not understand much of these shows coz they were in Tagalog. It was always fascinating though to watch some actresses having a cat-fight at the base of a grand staircase in some mansion or Inday Badiday interviewing the mother of a baby with hydrocephalus.

The shows that caught me and my friends' fancy was That's Entertainment, with those mestizo teen actors and actresses dancing to a Menudo song while wearing dresses with puffy sleeves.

I would always remember Romnick Sarmienta and Sherryl Cruz singing to some cheezy love song. Meanwhile, fans screamed at the foot of stage and a lucky few were allowed to scramble on the stage to hang garlands of sampaguita (jasmine) on their idols' necks.

On weekends we'd have GMA Supershow with German Moreno and his bejeweled suits. He was always surrounded with a cadre of female co-hosts encased in an armor of shoulder pads and topped with ginormous tsunami hairstyles set to perfection by hours of hair teasing and cans and cans of hair-spray.

The hideous fashion sense of GMA Supershow was perhaps the sole reason why I watched it... well aside from the Bellestar Dancers of course, di ba mga bading?

Oh, That's Entertainment and GMA Supershow should be a separate post altogether.

Meanwhile, the two shows that my friends and I did not ever want to miss were Shaider and Bioman, which were Japanese TV shows about alien-fighting superheroes.

The shows were dubbed in Tagalog but by then I still did not understand the dialogue. Instead I simply watched the action sequences that mostly involved the superheroes first transforming - just by shouting "Shaider!" or "Red One!" - from their jeans into their sleek and tight-fitting costumes. Of course they always wear a helmet to protect their identity.

And off they are fighting against reptile-looking monsters (in some mascoty costume) that just stomped through a cardboard building.

Gosh, wasn't Shaider a hottie? I believe he was my first man-crush. We did cheer for Shaider everytime that drag queen-looking villain shouted "Time space warp, ngayon din!".

And who could forget his assistant Annie who always wears a yellow miniskirt that shows her panties every time she kicks a monster with her boots? I've always fancied my self to be Annie and I'm like crazy over her bangs and pig tails!

Immediately after an episode of Shaider or Bioman my friends and I would rush out of our house fired up like our much-beloved superheroes ready to slash aliens with our Shaider Cutter.

Oh, if we were playing Bioman, I always INSISTED on being Yellow Four, which is a lady character armed with her Bio Arrow. Why not, aber?! With our black and white TV I would not even know who is Yellow Four if not for her Bio Arrow.

Aside from these two Japanese TV shows (that spawned a dozen copy-cat shows), we also watched occasional airings of Orang Engkantada and a few other shows. But none had the same impact on our imagination as Bioman and Shaider.

It was not until 1992 when Surigao finally had regular direct broadcasts from Manila. By then Shaider and Bioman had been eclipsed by... hmmm... I could not remember which. I just remember having our first taste of ABS-CBN, which kept us hooked on TV, primarily watching X-Men, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Baywatch and local shows such as Ang TV and Batibot.

Anyway, we still kept our black and white TV while the rest of the neighbors have moved on to colored TV. However, my parents decided to move it from the living room to their bedroom when they noticed my sister and I watching too much TV instead of studying.

Eventually, our TV started to get more grainy and grainy despite repeated trips to the repair shop. At one point a black line appeared in the middle of the screen and the pictures kept on moving up like it was on a loop. We tried adjusting the little knob at the back of the TV to keep the picture steady but it did not really fix the problem.

I could not remember the exact point of the TV totally not working anymore. But by then I've lost any interest in it coz I started watching TV of one of our neighbors. They even had cable!

Make Love to the Wall

Weekend report ahead...

The girls and I had our weekly movie date last Thursday evening. For lack of a better choice, we decided to watch New York, I Love You, which turned out to be rather forgettable, hence, I shall not say anything further about it.

Apres the movie we decided to head to the Victory Monument area to visit Saxophone, a pub I've been dying to visit since forever.

Gosh, we had an ahhhhmazing time there! I did not expect the jazz bands to be that good, it felt like we were back in some Manila bar.

Today I dropped by Emporium for lunch and while waiting for Heidi I checked the current exhibit at the Thailand Creative and Design Centre. One of the Thai princesses is showing her sketches, collages, and paintings.

It's a pretty decent set-up, with different rooms evoking the themes under which her work was classified.

Heidi and I then headed off to RQ Club for some wall-climbing in a place around Thong Lor. It was really my idea and I'm relieved Heidi was up for some silly, not to mention glaringly un-gay, activity such as wall-climbing.

With such a macho sport (is it a sport?), rest assured that Heidi and I are still as gay as ever. Whew!

I've done wall-climbing a few times before when I was living in Davao and I enjoyed it quite a lot. That had been years ago though so I thought it's time for some wall action.

When we arrived there we found a couple of kids working the walls and they seemed to just sprint around those tricky grips.

Gulp. I thought, "What have we gotten ourselves into?". I really have this penchant for making a fool of myself, no?

Anyway, we simply had to WERQ the walls ourselves, crossing our fingers we don't smash our fragile faces on the wall or get entangled in the harnesses.

Shaking off the initial hesitation, I really had a fun time scaling the walls. Thank goodness I still retained some of the tips my Davao friends gave me many years ago, the most important being: "Make love to the wall".

For the mean time, I know I'm not putting my arms and legs to good use for the next few days coz for sure I'd be totally sore.

Must-watch: Man on Wire

Today's yet another holiday in Thailand for King Chulalongkorn Day. I'm bent on watching movies this long weekend. Thanks to torrents I still have about half a dozen films lined up including such classics as What Ever Happened to Baby Jane, Midnight Cowboy, and Dancer in the Dark.

A few minutes ago, I just finished watching Man on Wire (2008), this year's winner of the Best Documentary Features in the Oscars.

As the summary on IMDB says: "On August 7, 1974, Philippe Petit, a French wire walker, juggler, and street performer days shy of his 25th birthday, spent 45 minutes walking, dancing, kneeling, and lying on a wire he and friends strung between the rooftops of the Twin Towers."

The story is told through interviews of Petit himself and his accomplices in the daring act. Petit narrates the experience with animated theatrics. He says: "If I die what a wonderful death. To die in the exercise of your passion."

His friends who shared Petit's crazy dream also effectively recounts the tense moments that lead to the daredevil feat that captured the world's imagination.

The media obviously feasted on his story and Petit's reaction was: "I did something magnificent and mysterious and I get (asked by the press) a practical "why". And the beauty of it is that I didn't have any "why".

The documentary was mainly about pursuing one's passion, no matter how whimsical and insane it is.

At the same time, it was also a paean of sorts to the World Trade Center; how it managed to spark people's fancy, Petit's case being perhaps just one of the more crazy ones... and we all know how others interpreted the WTC that led tragic consequences.

I invite you to watch the trailer below:

The Kawadjan Cardigan by Don Protasio

BFF Donita a.k.a Fuchsiaboy visited BKK last weekend for a seminar and he surprised me with the coolest thing ever. I'd talk about that later, but lemme share first the camwhoring that we did, as the practice is whenever Donita is in one of his royal visits.

We mostly went around the shopping malls in the Siam area, going inside Balenciaga, Club 21, Longchamp, etc. I don't usually dare drop by these stores; you know me, I consider Khao San and Chatuchak t-shirts as high fashion. So it's nice to be dragged inside the real high fashion stores whenever Donita is around.

Donita wore a Margiela AIDS Tee and I wore the Don Protasio reworked t-shirt he gave me last month.

Last Saturday evening, we also went all the way to the neighboring province of Nonthaburi to visit the restaurant of my friend. Sitting on the bank of the Chao Phraya River, the place is called Baan Rabiang Nam (or River Tree House; official website here).

Despite its rather out-of-the-way location (it's more than 30 minutes drive from the city... without traffic), apparently it's still quite a popular restaurant, particularly among Thais. The restaurant was full when we arrived there at nine in the evening. It had also been reviewed by Bangkok Post recently (see the review here).

It's indeed a very charming place and the food is sensational. My friend who owns the restaurant also offered us a very generous discount. Tres nice of him!

Yesterday, I met Donita again for more shopping. For the first time I wore my meggings (men's leggings) as well as the Don Protasio cork necklace.

To my horror, many people stared at me while I was walking around Siam Square and Paragon. I really felt a bit self-conscious and I wonder why people were giving me the head to toe sweep. Do the meggings look weird to you?

And of course some dinner just as rain pelted the city. Donita likes eating. I only ate tissue paper.

Finally, here's the surprise that I mentioned above. Donita named a cardigan after me!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Kawadjan Cardigan by Don Protasio.

I'm just thrilled like I had a major orgasm to beat all orgasms. I. Swear.

This is as historical as Marc Jacobs naming a bag after Bryanboy, non? No, make that BIGGER... Oh, here... it's like having an airport or a street in Surigao named after moi, di ba?

This cardigan is part of Donita's spring-summer collection, which he will present in the upcoming Philippine Fashion Week later this month.

He also named shirts after fellow bloggers Kiks and Lyka Bergen, among a few other bloggers (tama ba ako Don?).

Anyway, look how this cardigan can be draped in many ways. I love playing with it and I could not wait to werq it around Bangkok, especially now that the cool season is fast approaching.

Donita Rose Mary "Baby" Arenas... salamat, salamat, salamat for this HUGE honor.

Elle Fashion Week: Zenithorial

The Elle Fashion Week Autumn/Winter ran last Thursday until Sunday, which featured some of the biggest names in Thai fashion. Disaya, 27Friday, Stretsis, among others showed some spectacular clothes that I would be having wet dreams of in the coming months... if only I can afford them.

But what I'd SURELY have wet dreams of are the shoes and swimming trunks in the Zenithorial collection (see the full collection here via ThaiCatwalk.com).

Don't you agree?

(All photos are courtesy of Thai Catwalk.)

Emily, uhm... Emily

Since I've already written about one of my not-so-favorite-questions (see previous post), I shall proceed to explain why another question falls into that category...

"What is your job?"

This question always makes me squirm. It's a very difficult, if not uncomfortable, topic; one which takes a lot of time to explain.

It's not like I could simply say: "I'm a model", or "I'm a moneyboy". Gosh, either of those two answers would make it easier for me coz for sure I would not need to explain further, non?

When asked about my job, the usual answer I give is: "I'm with an NGO that works on Southeast Asian culture". But that clearly describes my office rather than my work.

Most often the follow-up question, which I truly dread, is: What do you exactly do for them? For lack of a clearer and succinct answer, I would automatically whisper: "I write for them."

That should settle the interrogation most of the time but deep inside me I know that I gave a very convenient, if not an inaccurate, answer. Being a "writer" sounds so pompous, and I seriously wish I have an alternative reply.

However, if I need to answer the question with precision, this would mean I have to further explain what I exactly do at the office. Thanks to my official title being the vaguest thing on earth.

When working in an NGO in Davao some years back I also had these strange-sounding titles (I had two posts) called (1) Policy Research and Advocacy Officer and (2) Project Officer. For those not working in a related field (this is mostly NGO-speak), they would often ask if I work for an insurance company because of the "policy" in my title. So out of convenience I just told everyone else that I'm a researcher. Saved me a lot of hassle.

In my current job, I have the misfortune of getting one of these ambiguous job titles again. I'm my office's Documentation Officer, that's my official post. Do many people get what it means? I hardly do, to be honest.

When the job was offered to me, because of excitement I did not really have time to listen what I was exactly in for. They just said, come to Bangkok, bitch. I was not exactly told what I'd do either, they just said, my post is called Documentation Officer. I thought, uhm... keri.

I Googled the job title and found out that it's mostly library work, i.e. filing and classifying information and records. That's how most people understand my work too, or the very few who do at least. (Although someone once asked if I work for an export company wherein I handle export documentation. NOT!)

However, I don't work with our librarians. I don't have a background in library studies whatsoever.

Before this gets way too vague, allow me to explain what I actually do at work, which, as you would realize, is far from what the official job title suggests...

I basically work directly under the office's Director, THE big boss.

On a day to day basis, I handle his emails, i.e. classifying and replying to them. I also order books he wants from the internet. :-) In that sense I'm his Executive Assistant but then I don't handle his schedules and other administrative needs, i.e. arranging meetings and official trips. I just happen to help him in his English emails. (I actually wonder who does his Thai emails.)

On top of that, I also write his speeches and edits his articles. I like doing both coz they involve writing and research, which I am truly, truly passionate about.

Culture and heritage are not my background in university though, so writing stuff for him always challenges me to learn something new. Besides the topics are mostly interesting, such as heritage conservation, cultural policy, and inter-cultural dialogue. And then I get to do his presentations as well (coz I wrote the speech), and God knows how I love lay-outing these powerpoints.

In as much as I like research work, I don't do these speeches very regularly. I often come out with one every two months at best.

Meanwhile, I also work with our Publication Officer in copy-reading articles for our journal and other publications, such as books. I like the job but I hardly do it coz we only come out with like four journals annually and one or two books a year. In terms of editing, the bulk of my work currently is editing a collection of papers due for publication.

Further, I do a bit of "external relations" whenever I get sent to meetings here and there, especially the big meetings of the Southeast Asian network of inter-government NGOs our office belongs to. We have three main meetings a year and a couple of smaller ones.

The meetings are usually soporific. Along with my other colleagues, we dread these talk-fests if not for the fun of meeting people all over the region, mainly from our "sister-NGOs". I particularly always look forward to catching up with my Pinoy counterparts and former colleagues (I used to work in a "sister-NGO" in Manila).

So if I summarize what I do in my position I would say I handle the communication of my Director, write his speeches and presentations, edits for our publications, and represents the organization in meetings.

Besides being a mouthful, does that sound coherent to you? Can anyone give me a job title unifying all these? Not simple, chai mai? Now do you understand why I hate the "what is your job?" question.

If I have to explain that to every person who asks it, it would take more than three minutes to go through everything I do without necessarily ending up with a sensible answer. I'd rather give something more convenient and easy to grasp such as "I write". Seriously, however, I still find "I write" exaggerated, pedantic, and, most importantly, limiting. Which goes the same way if I say I'm a Personal Assistant or Editor or External Relations Officer.

Two years later, I still wonder what the appropriate and accurate answer should be, so for the mean time I just pray to God that nobody asks me what I do for a living.

Otherwise, I'm like really, really tempted to just tell people "I'm a full-time blogger and a part-time model and part-time moneyboy". Much more straightforward, chai mai?