Friday, September 20, 2013

Post-MA blues

It's finally over. The thing I'm here for has come to a conclusion. It's been a year of studying, of my attempts at being a masters student. Last week, I submitted what feels like the ultimate stamp that I achieved something, the much vaunted dissertation. Writing it took me about three and a half months. It sounds like a long time to write some kind of opus but all that effort amounted to only 10,000 words, which is not much actually. The printed copy felt puny in my hands, seemingly betraying all the hard work I put into it. There are days when I felt like my dissertation was a masterpiece and then most days I feel like it was crap.

Anyway, I'm glad I'm finished with the dissertation and the whole masters business. It's a great experience of course - and I don't know where to start - but it also helped me realized I'm not exactly the academic I wish I am. I find academia too tedious for me. Basically, I'm too lazy to still continue studying after this.

Having finished my education, I'm nothing but an unemployed bastard. Mind you, I don't have grand delusions of having a wonderful career after this. I don't feel a sense of entitlement the way I used to when I finished my BA. It's really up to me to make the most of my qualification.

For now though I'm maximizing my student visa, which means I'd have to brave another winter.  I'm just looking for odd jobs here and there. It's unbearable being so unproductive after such a hectic one year. The day after I submitted my dissertation I woke up with no plans in my head for the first time in months. It was (still is) indeed a weird feeling of aimlessness. Since then I've just been staying home, avoiding making unnecessary spending because god knows how pricey London is. And oh, I've moved in with my aunts (as I can't afford rent AT ALL) and had been sleeping on the floor (god bless me in winter).

I've been desperately looking for a job; just about anything would do from waitering to being a shopping attendant. In an ideal world I should be a money boy to a Russian gazillionaire who has a flat in Mayfair or Chelsea, but I'm too old for that. LOL.

1 comment:

Was Once said...

ahhh, But did you get closer to your true heart's calling?
Life is a process, and the journey itself is more fascinating than the actual content.


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