Asian Beauties for Miss Universe 2011

This is it. I don't think any introduction is needed because any self-respecting gay man would know it's that time of the year again when our adrenalin levels are off the roof leading to the coronation night of the Miss Universe.

As usual, I will limit my bitching to the girls of Asia. I simply don't have time to do the African, European, and especially the Latina beauties.

I don't have any solid basis for my opinions except for their official photos and short interviews (posted on Youtube). Well that only accounts for ten percent of my judgement; the other ninety percent being based on my untrammeled meanness.

So let's get this over with, no?

Miss China

Girl's got a hot body and she knows how to use it. I don't understand the big hair though, which along with the drag queen make up, has swallowed her delicate features. A pink gown for a beauty pageant has not helped any one win the crown, unless it's prom queen she's vying for.

Miss Indonesia

She's actually my second favorite Asian girl this year. She's quite smart in her interview, albeit her answers are a tad too predictable. Her photos are always dynamic, but the gown with the curtain fabric has to be burned ASAP. Her best photo in the set is the beauty shot; look how minimal make up brings out her eyes.

Miss India

India often sends very striking and super intelligent girls. For some reason, this year their representative bores me.

Miss Japan

Isn't she cuuute? Her "dancing" photos are superb and clearly one of the best in the bunch this year. Her other photos seem to say she's approachable and easy-going, which are always good to have in beauty queens. Her interview confirms that she has a bubbly personality, so I'm definitely rooting for Miss Japan.

Miss Korea

Oh please. Next.
Miss Malaysia

I've never noticed any of Malaysia's past representatives except this year. I swear she's my favorite Asian girl. She's amazingly articulate, and she reminds me so much of Lara Dutta (Miss Universe 2000). What fault can I find in her photos, aber? I am crossing my fingers Miss Malaysia wins the crown this year.

Miss Philippines

Shamcey does nothing for me in the photos, especially in the dancing photo in which she looks a bit deranged. Her beauty shot is outstanding though, she looks genuinely happy to be there. But the pink gown? What did I tell you about them and prom queens? Better call Pitoy Moreno for a replacement!

Miss Singapore

Nothing about her excites me, to be honest. And you can tell she hangs out a lot with her gay friends, based on her pose in the evening gown. Isn't that sooo Mutya ng Pilipinas 1992?

Miss Sri Lanka

This woman, on other hand, needs gay friends.

Miss Thailand

Gurrrlll, get rid of those false eyelashes! Now! Miss Thailand is rather memorable for me because in her video interview she said she wants to become a plankton. How original! Should be exciting what she could think of during the Q&A on pageant night. Meanwhile in the evening gown photo, I love the edginess of the studded leggings but the color easily brings the garment to bubblegum territory.

Miss Vietnam

I don't know... Miss Vietnam this year does not excite me. Her interview was rather tepid, her photos lack oomph; except for the evening gown one. Diaphanous gowns that flow well, which she ably demonstrated above, have been big hits in the Miss Universe of late, so let's see if this girl wins by the gown.

The Girls from Asia

Well, here we are again! One of the most-anticipated moments of the year when girls from all over the world scramble over a stupid crown Donal Trump puts up for grabs. The new Miss Universe will be crowned in Las Vegas in a couple of weeks or so. And that means bayots all over the world will be closely scrutinizing each contestant, as already started by Lyka Bergen?

As part of the big crowd of beauty pageant "observers", I have a few things to say about the evening gown photos of the contestants.

Last year I checked the women from Asia and I'm doing the same this time. I'm just wondering though, where's Miss Vietnam?

Anyway, let's start.

Miss China. You. Must. Be. Kidding. Me. I did not even know China celebrates Halloween and now she comes as what, Tinkerbell? Such a beautiful girl (look at those skinny arms!), but what is she doing in this gown that not one courageous drag queen would ever want to wear?

Miss India. This is a beautifully draped gown and the color is very sophisticated. I also love the glittery shoulder pad. But his Cheri Gil wanabee could not even work the gown properly. And that headband? Is it keeping that atrocious hair in place? Hmmm... this is how you DON'T win a beauty pageant, my love.

Miss Indonesia. Now this is how you work a gown... if and only if you want to tell people that you don't have a proper ironing board in whatever seedy Las Vegas hotel Donald Trump put you in. Besides, the color is too bubblegum to be taken seriously, and those frayed seams cheapen the gown even more.

Miss Japan. This is how you work a gown. Now, seriously. Her pose, along with the hair, complements the shape of the gown to perfection and I love that fierce look on her. However, I find the material of this gown too heavy. Also, what's with insects this year, aber? Do we have an entomology theme?

Miss Korea. Love this! Love the gown, love the pose, love the hair, love the body (hellow clavicles!), love the accessories, but I don't love the face. I think she's quite pretty but the way she angles her face here is just plain boring and she is virtually without a neck.

Miss Malaysia. She has a really beautiful face, and those eyes are very arresting. But again, she looks stumpy here because like Miss Korea she forgot to use her neck. The gown, on the other hand, is making me sleep. The color is not going to catch any of the judge's attention and the curtain fabric used drags it even further.

Miss Philippines. I love the dynamism of the pose, she looks like she's dancing. Also, this is how you use your neck to full advantage. But while the gown moves well, the color and material are, as Lyka said, very Divisoria. Someone please put this stunning girl in a decent gown! And I'm not talking to you, Pitoy Moreno!

Miss Singapore. Does anyone have some Paracetamol? I see a major migraine on its way, ladies. Or is she just bored by her boring face? I'm sure she's not alone. And that gown, why does it have to be such a heavy material? It makes it her look obese! Next!

Miss Thailand. Let's start with the obvious... this gown is completely over-worked, especially for a beauty pageant. It's distracting us from her face and gives her too much bulk. Someone give this girl some scissors to trim the gown with. And while you're at it, please also give her a lesson on putting make-up.

So that rounds up our girls from Asia this year. I obviously could not tell yet who among them is strong, but I'm so uninspired by this year's contestants from this part of this world.

It's early to tell though coz we've only seen the gowns. I checked the photos of the other girls and their gowns look equally cheap, if not cheaper, than the Asians. I could not wait to see the swimsuit photos to give us more basis on betting for our favorite girls. 

So let's keep our eyes open for Miss Universe action and may the best girl win.