Monday, February 12, 2007


All the papers today seem to have the same photos in the front pages. I'm not talking about those clowns pretending to be the leaders of the country and their squabble for a seat in the national circus called the Senate. I'm referring to the pictures of couples locking lips last Saturday evening for the Lavapalooza at the Mall of Asia. From our apartment, I saw the magnificent fireworks that lit the sky at around midnight, which I suppose meant that the kissing has commenced. I heard they broke a world record that night. Cute.

Oh well. The Lavapooza indicated that Valentine season is on full blast. Argh. Not because I'm bitter, but I'm not really a fan of this season in particular (together with Christmas). Again I find it too commercialized and over-rated. That's my own opinion of course. If majority people find it worth celebrating in their own way, it's totally something that they can handle themselves. It's going to be another regular day for me, except perhaps that I'd go home much earlier so I can avoid the bloody traffic spawned by those who are going out to dinner, motels, and whatnot.

I've been writing quite a bit about my frustration with my love life lately. Those are bouts of loneliness that then I believed could be addressed by a companion or a partner or whatever it's called nowadays. That may be partially true. I've however managed to really ask my self if I have the energy or the emotional wherewithal to maintain a relationship at this point in my life. Honestly it seems that I can't. It's going to be a long explanation, but succinctly: I'm not ready for a relationship right now.

And I don't find anything wrong with that.

I've read quite a number a number of gay bloggers who are into relationships currently. Yes, do I feel a certain longing to experience the kind of happiness that they have. It certainly seems exciting. I should know, I've been there.

On the other hand, I've also read gay bloggers (mostly older ones) who have established parameters on how they see relationships. They chose to listen to how they feel about living unattached. Final verdict (at least according to them) is that they're happy still. Those I admire as well. I totally love their candor and honesty to say that there is bliss in being single. Most importantly, I have been getting some validation on the things I believe in but chose not to acknowledge before.

So there, I'm going to take it easy on my self. I'm not going to punish my self by endlessly comparing my loveless situation with other people. I'll find happiness in what I have (or don't have). If the right person comes along at the right time, surely I can reconsider. But for now, I'm going to celebrate being single.

Photo Credit: Roger Alcantara.


Kyle said...

Everyone has to chart his or her own course. Some are good at coupling, some aren't, and some are good at coupling for part of their lives but not all of them. I was in two long-term relationships. I learned that you can be in a relationship and still experience loneliness, boredom, restless, etc. It took me a while to get over the dazzling spell of being infatuated with infatuation - and I'm not completely over it - but I'm learning to invest what need I have for company in my friends.

You are young, smart and sexy. Have fun and enjoy your life!

kawadjan said...

"the dazzling spell of being infatuated with infatuation" - wow, maybe that's my issue afterall. thanks a lot for insights. :)


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