Monday, August 25, 2008

Gossip Bayot: Normal Gay Guy Edition

Living such a monotonous life, I have a vicarious attachment to the experiences of my gay friends. For one, it has only been recently that I've had this much number of gay friends. For the longest time my closest friends are women.

Discovering the lives of gay men lately, I've always been tempted to write about them but it seems unfair to cannibalize their lives for the sake of this blog. Lately however, I've been looking more closely into their views and realized how fascinating indeed it is to be gay... drama, irreverence, hedonism, and all.

So here, I fall into the temptation of making chismis about the lives of my dear baklang amigas (to my friends who happen to read this blog and who fear falling victim to my chismosa tongue, don't worry, I'd reveal as little details as possible).

I'm not being mean. Hell no.

The intention really is to thresh out what I think are the "issues" faced by gay men of our generation. I don't have the illusion of being the conscience of my friends (what chutzpah!), nor do I wish to represent any group. Instead, this is my continuing exploration of what it's like to be bakla (and I'm sometimes judgemental, so live with it).

If it ends up that I discover more of my self through my friends, so be it.

... thus, the birth of Gossip Bayot.

Our first episode is the case of the two Miss Universe title holders.

I was MSNing with Apasra Hongsakula about his love woes last week. Apasra Hongsakula is perhaps the only Thai bayot that I consider as my friend (I'd talk about this in some other post). We usually bump into each other at Silom Soi 2 and I have even met his angel of a boyfriend, Lara Dutta from India.

I remember one time, the three of us came out of the club and we saw a fortune teller right in the pavement of Silom. Lara had his fortune told right there while I listened and Apasra was talking to a friend. I heard the fortune teller telling him that his boyfriend is actually seeing other men, which was not a surprise to Lara anymore.

A few months before that, Apasra had the gall to suggest to Lara that they open their relationship of six years. Of course Lara objected (like, what decent guy would want that anyway?), but still he did not object to Apasra opening an account on a gay dating site, where I eventually met Apasra (on a purely friends basis coz, number 1, he is very much a potato queen, and number 2, I was still seeing someone at that time... not that any change to these would bring us to bed anyway... ay defensive).

(Oh, I have to write some time soon about the gay dating sites here in Thailand . That deserves another long post.)

Anyway, so to cut the long and predictable story short, Apasra did meet one guy after another; although to be fair to him, he did not sleep with any of them (at least that's what he told me). Well, he eventually did; he meet an American exchange student that he also fell in love with. I was introduced to the exchange student once and even Lara Dutta met him as well. I love Apasra's honesty coz he went as far as telling Lara about his relationship with the exchange student. An argument ensued and Apasra was prompted to move out of the apartment that he shared with Lara. And exchange student went back to the US.

Going back to our MSN chat... it seemed that Apasra and Lara did not decide to end the relationship yet. I'm quite relieved to hear that coz a six-year relationship deserves another chance after a party makes one transgression.

So I asked Apasra if there is any chance of them patching things up. He said that Lara is willing to revive the relationship (see what an angel Lara is?) on the condition that Apasra promises that he would not meet other guys anymore. Sounds fair naman di ba? But no, Apasra is not ready to commit yet.

Instead, he told me that: I cannot do that. I'm just a normal gay guy. How honest can he get? And I respect him for that. I am perturbed, however, with the way Apasra justified his wandering dick.

How many times have we heard from gay men that most of us are not capable of monogamy? As they say, boys will be boys... and boys play.

Don't you think this excuse has been used way too many times to legitimize what I think is gay men's immaturity? (At least the case is true to many gay men, but certainly not all.) To take inspiration from Sex and the City: I'm beginning to wonder, aren't we trapped in this definition of the Normal Gay Guy?

Now that we have reached as far as characterizing a Normal Gay Guy, do we actually want this label attached to us and its demeaning implications? Until we are confined to this definition of a Normal Gay Guy, we would always have the ultimate excuse not to be decent and respectful towards others. This speaks volumes on how we see ourselves.

Isn't it time that we rise above the Normal Gay Guy?


Kiks said...

Normal gay guy talaga?

jericho said...

indeed, apasra's honesty is admirable. up to now though, i still can't get what an open relationship is. i find it, to be blunt, hypocritical. but who am i to say anything right now about relationships? i am not in one .. hehe

kiel said...

normal gay? di ba oxymoron yun?

ang masasabi ko lang, relationships are difficult. there is no telling what goes on between 2 people engaged in an intimate relationship. it's never simple. ang take ko dyan they have to find a way of staying together if they love each other - that works for both of them.

if we say 'open relationships' are evil per se, di ba we fall into the same trap of the dogma of a straight world that wants to define itself by one norm? who comes up with these labels anyway...

fuchsiaboy said...

bravo ms. kawadjan bradshaw!

puke ng mga baklang walang sense of commitment pero gusto ng relationship. pumasok pa sila sa relasyon tapos hada ng hada kahit kanino. ngek?! eh anu yun? Karinderya mode? Spread the love?

Di yun normal gay guy. Same lang din yun sa mga hetero na commitmentphobe pero lahat na lang kinakangkang.

If you wanna play then don't commit di ba?


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