Wednesday, December 02, 2009

The days drag

In my house right now where my dad's wake is. Day 6 of 9. Hay, haggardity ever as we speak. This wake is driving me insane but I'd stop right here coz I don't want to whine.

I'm relieved that my mom is generally OK, or at least that's how she it seems for now. It helps that she can talk about her grief to the endless stream of people coming in and out of the house. However, three days ago, I was sitting beside her in a sofa and she attempted to take a quick nap. Within a minute, she whispered to me that every time she closes her eyes she always recalls how my dad died on the hospital bed.

On another topic, apparently her regular sleep pattern lately (way before my dad died) is that she wakes up at 2:30 am every single time. I think it's common among people her age, no? And so when she wakes up she also finds my dad awake beside her (again, it's an old people thing I assume). So with both of them unable to go back to sleep they have these long talks instead while lying on the bed or sometimes they watch TV together. Yesterday, she told me that in the coming days, without daddy beside her, she would not know what to do when she wakes up early in the morning.

These are two of the things I have to find a way to handle somehow. My sister and brother are going back to Manila and Cebu after the funeral. I would be alone with my mom. I have assumed it to be my responsibility to help her cope with the mourning and I really wish I have a better idea how to do that.

Oh, another thing. A day after my dad died, my mom found a small notebook on my dad's medicine tray. When my mom checked its contents, she found an undated list my dad made (in his squiggly penmanship after his stroke) of his so-called accomplishments and other basic stuff about his life. He mentioned his birth-date, his parents, where he finished school, the date of him passing the BAR and things he considered were the milestones of his life. He also noted his wedding day, my mom's name, and our names (his kids), our degrees, etc. I don't know how to make sense of this list really.

On the next pages, he titled a list "In case of my death". There are about ten items or so. The ones I can remember right now is that he wants us to wear white on his funeral; that his favorite love songs be played the entire time of his wake; and that eulogies be made "reasonably brief". It surprised us of course to find this notebook but I have yet to read it again coz it only makes me cry (even now just thinking about it).


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