Video Queen

Oh well, I'm now back in Bangkok after a long holiday in Las Islas Filipinas.

I should really make my next visit shorter. I love visiting my family and friends, but not having my own space and getting out of my routine (whatever that is) is a bit exhausting.

For instance, cos I spent two or three nights in Manila and Cebu I was moving around a lot (my gratitude to my kind and welcoming hosts!). And then when I reached Surigao my clothes were just piled in my suitcase. I also missed eating my share of fruits daily, which Surigao sorely lacks (or maybe I just didn't bother searching for them).

This is so typical of me after I go home. I whine and whine like it's nobody's business.

Maybe I should shut up already. LOL.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my visit very much. I was particularly happy to have met my family after seeing them last in 2011. And then I also spent a lot of time with my cousins and the few friends who have stayed in Surigao.

To prove that I had a good time at home, I compiled some video clips of my trip. I was inspired by my cousin's video of her summer holiday in the Philippines. So right from the onset of my trip I was already taking five-second clips of my journey.

I was daunted by the editing because it was my first time to do so. Thank god for iMovie I managed to pull it off through a slow trial-and-error process.

So, amigas, here is the final product.

Caridad Once Again!

I'm on my second week of a three-week holiday in Las Islas Filipinas. While I have quite a bit of things to share on this blog, I'll first tell you about my short trip to Siargao Island (Tuesday to Thursday this week).

My mom's home barrio of Caridad is on Siargao Island, east of Surigao City. My cousins, sister, brother, and I used to spend our summer holidays there, getting sun burned all the time from playing too much on the beach, which faces the Pacific Ocean. We ran around in the rice fields and coconut groves and loved riding on water buffaloes.

Those summer trips in Siargao always meant so much fun although it was far from unbridled because my grandmother always compelled us to take afternoon naps or to go home as soon as the sun set. When I think of my fondest memories of my childhood I think of those summers in Caridad.

For this trip, I wanted to get a slice of the place once again, after all I haven't visited Caridad for maybe 14 years. My grandmother does not live there anymore though and my cousins could hardly fit a trip there.

It's quite amazing how little of my grandmother's house has changed. It has the same old cabinets, although they've been ravaged by termites. They are all beaten too by the harsh ocean breeze. But they have somehow managed to stay intact after few repairs.

I was fascinated to find that they have kept some old kerosene lamps, which have been rendered useless since electricity arrived on the island. I couldn't help my self from taking photos of these various old stuff.

On my first morning there I made it a point to wake up early to catch the sun rise on Caridad's beach. Oh the place of wonder when we were young!

We spent so much time taking a dip in its many pools that are revealed when the tide is low while huge waves crash in the distance. I could still easily find where they are and the rocks from which we dove. In fact, I first learned how to swim in one of the deep tidal pools when I was about 7 years old. I also remember catching tiny, flat, and transparent fish and those spindly and soft starfishes that used to scare the shit out of one of my cousins.

A few kilometres from Caridad is Magpupungko Beach, perhaps the area's main tourist landmark of a huge rock perching on top of what looks like a pedestal.

And then I stumbled into a few relatives who have stayed in the barrio. They told me of their memories of my cousins and me when we used to stage dance programs on boring, electricity-less nights and how we used torches as stand-in for spotlights. It's fascinating how many of them recognised me simply because of my supposed strong resemblance to my mom.

The trip certainly made me feel nostalgic of those carefree days, well, under the careful and loving watch of our grandmother.

While there are many familiar aspects of the island that remain unchanged, I've noticed several improvements. For one, now the barrio has a high school instead of the kids walking 6 kilometres to the nearest one. Also, the highway has been just recently paved with concrete. There are also more water pumps to serve the residents, which it appears is growing like mad!

Needless to say I had an amazing time in Caridad. It was great to reconnect with my childhood memories. And I'm also happy to see that it is moving forward in the right direction (if only they could stop making too many babies though).

Last day in Surigao

I'm on my last full day in Surigao. It's another rainy day here; nothing surprising about it. And the neighbors are singing karaoke for all the village to hear. Nothing surprising about that as well. Okay, I'm not going to whine on my last day here.

My sister and brother also visited Surigao a couple of weeks ago. We went to the beach a couple of times and hung out with cousins and other relatives.

And then after Davao, I met some of my closest friends for some catching up on our lives. It always amazes me how much our lives change, in say 10 years. Our expectations from others, as well as from ourselves, are often very different from how they turn out to be. Not that I'm disappointed about my friends' lives... on contrary most of them are happy (as far as I can tell). I guess what I'm saying is that life is just fucking unexpected.

Just yesterday, I unearthed my box of mementoes in which I store old letters, among many other odd bits of papers. When we were in high school, my friends and I sent each other letters and notes. It's a lot of "thank you for being my friend" - you know, high school stuff. It's always reassuring that my friends and I have withstood the test of time and distance (thank you Facebook and email!).

Anyway, so that's all what this trip is all about. Just some much needed time with family and friends, and realizing the value of the people that are constantly in our lives in spite of the changes we all go through.

Now I'm ready to go back to Bangkok because frankly I'm now bored in Surigao... what can one do with all this rain, aber?

Visiting Davao

I'm in Las Islas Filipinas at the moment to visit family and friends. I intended to stay in my hometown, Surigao City, the two weeks I'm here. My mom has other ideas, though. She decided to drag me to Davao as she had been keen on visiting my sister who now lives there.

Davao was my home for about four years. I moved there after graduating from university and I worked in an NGO during my stay there. So over the years I have accumulated a number of close friends, with whom I've kept in touch over the years. 

Meeting them during my three-day visit was on top of my agenda (aside of course from spending time with my mom and sister). I wish I had more time to meet more of my friends and former colleagues, but I simply didn't have the time.

I had a bit of a chance as well to visit some places I used to frequent when I lived in Davao, in particular my former office, which has radically changed. Now I know only two people there and the rest are new employees. 

In terms of landscape, there are definitely heaps of changes in the city compared with the last time I visited it a couple of years ago. Well, there are more malls, if that's any sign of progress and definitely the city got more crowded and the traffic worse. Despite these changes, I still see the appeal of Davao's relatively more laid-back rhythm and cheaper cost of living.

It was definitely a short three days in Davao, but the trip was worthwhile... including the harrowing ten-hour bus ride back to Surigao.

Pilipinas Kay Chaka (sort of...)

Just to conclude the account of my trip to Las Islas Filipinas...

I don't like saying this but I don't like going home if not for my family and friends. The Philippines has simply lost its amor on me. It's always exhausting, especially whenever I stay in Manila for a few days (thankfully we only stayed a little over 24 hours there this time). I don't see any improvement in its infrastructure; it's as congested and polluted as ever.

The city looks like grimy blocks thrown randomly. There is no sense of planning, or even an effort to plan at all. Public transport is as dilapidated as ever, and over-burdened by its roughly 20 million residents.

Lara Stone, surprisingly, was enamored of it, he said he would've wanted to stay longer. But that's most often the case for visitors who find something positive about Manila. They see something exotic in such a chaotic place, but they don't necessarily live in the city for an extended period. They don't experience the inconvenience of having to queue for the MRT or breathe its fetid air daily.

For me who has lived in Manila for several years I get frustrated to see it not just getting stuck in squalor but in fact getting worse and worse.

The same is also the case for my hometown. I'm sad to see many swamps in the city that used to be filled with mangrove jus rapidly overtaken by slums. The roads that cut across the swamps only sent a message to people that they can erect their houses by the road, clearing precious mangroves, and using the swamp as one septic tank.

There's nothing wrong with building roads per se, but regulation should've been enforced to keep encroachers at bay. Better yet, give people affordable housing options.

Also, there's such poor urban planning in the city. There are hardly any pavements to speak of. Tricycles (our version of tuktuks) over-run the streets. We even experience traffic congestion now in such a tiny city.

In fairness to my hometown, I'm seeing new businesses springing up here and there. This modest development is surely a call for the city administrators to plan ahead on how these developments are going to be managed such that the livability of the city is not compromised.

OK, that's the customary post-visit-to-the-Philippines whine, thank you very much.

***

Anyway, so the highlight of the trip was indeed attending my sister's wedding. This entailed meeting many of my cousins from my mother's side. I have not met some of them in ages, at least those who live now in the US and some other far-flung province.

I was thrilled to hang out with them. I realized how little we have changed, in fact. We're the same rowdy, crazy bunch that used to send my grandmother in fits when we regularly visited her in Siargao for many summers.

Because I had such limited time I only got to meet a few friends in Surigao. I find these meetings very precious because some of my friends are going through key moments in their lives. I have the utmost admiration for their tenacity and courage, something that I draw inspiration from.

By the trip's end, I felt thankful (to whom, I don't know) to be surrounded by such wonderful friends and relatives.

***

As expected, none of my relatives or friends made a big deal of Lara Stone. I meant that in the positive sense, of course. I am lucky to have open-minded people surrounding me, and I confidently introduced Lara as my boyfriend.

They welcomed him with such fondness, but then that's expected because Lara has amazing charm anyway (tse!). He was in fact more keen to hang out with my relatives than I was, after all I had ANTM episodes to catch, no? It was very heartwarming to see him blend seamlessly with the crowd, and he quickly caught up on Pinoy humor, too.

***

Having two weeks with Lara after not seeing each other for five looooong months was the most fun I've had in recent months. It's not all romantic time, of course. We annoyed each other a few times, but that's normal because we're both stubborn in our belief that one is always right and have no qualms expressing it.

For the most part, I appreciated more his openness to new experiences and people (I was more stressed during the trip than him). There are more things to say about his awesomeness but that's something I'd tell him instead of posting it here.

Finally!

My sister and Don have been together for eleven years. They celebrated their anniversary by finally getting married last Wednesday. I couldn't think of a better match for each other: they're both chilled and quirky.

So for their wedding, they decided to make as little fuss as possible. Had their mothers not insisted on getting a church wedding, they would've just went to the judge instead. Anyway, so they went to church and did the whole priest thing. I walked her down the aisle along with my mom.

And then they had a very simple reception attended by my sister's close friends from Davao and a bevy of relatives, mostly from her side. There could've only been a little over a hundred guests.

Don and my sister ditched the cheesy parts of conventional weddings. No cutting of the cake, no stupid doves, no throwing of the bouquet, no speeches (save for some words of thanks from the couple), no horrendous give-aways, and no dances. We ate at the reception and took some photos. That's it.

Because the reception ended early, we went to karaoke after that.

Marching On

Yikes, it's already March! I don't intend to do a monthly post in this blog... But sadly, I've been completely negligent of my duty to my six readers. For the past weeks I have not been compelled to write something simply because of good old laziness.

I couldn't blame lack of material. I've seen amazing movies in February, and had been to a few Pinoy mafia raids, and the fashion weeks in NY, Milan, and Paris have come and gone. None of these compelled me to write. Sigh.

If there's anything occupying my head this past month it has been swimming. Owing to my dramatic weight gain these past months, I finally took control of my expanding waistline (the diet of peanuts and water is hardly werking) by going to the pool four times a week. Anyone who follows me on Twitter must be quite annoyed at my constant updates on my progress in my strokes and breathing and all that shit.

Yes, I'm taking swimming very seriously. I swim one hour per session and always trying to swim better. I like challenging my self, otherwise what's the point of doing something? I do drills, read blogs, and watch Youtube videos to improve my technique.

On the weight part, yes, swimming is werking. I'm way trimmer now. I'm making swimming work for me and I'm very happy because I see results after only about five weeks of constantly going to the pool. So there, I'm definitely serious on channeling my inner Little Mermaid in the name of vanity (what else?).

OK, so what else is there to look forward to in March?

This weekend magsasanib pwersa ang mga Pinoy Bayots from San Francisco and mainland Southeast Asia (read: Bangkok and Siem Reap) on a trip to the Island of the Gods... Baliwag Balisawsaw Balintatanaw... BALI. This is going to be a major holiday full of camp and flame, my dahlings.

Imagine, Lyka Bergen meets Fuchsiaboy? Bubbles meets Mama O? Kawadjan meets Ekra Tan? Need I say more? So beware, I'm going to flood this blog with photos of all the gay terror we will spread in Bali.

Many thanks to the Las Tres Estrellas of San Francisco for dragging us along on their bakasyon grande.

Anyway, after Bali I'm heading to Las Islas Filipinas, Perlas ng Silangan, for a visit to the family. My sister is finally getting hitched... and girl listen to this, I'm walking her down the aisle along with my mom.

Carolina Herrera or Inno Sotto? Givenchy or Patis Tesoro? Ok, I've decided to settle for Puey Quinones. Charing!

My only wish is that I DON'T overshadow my sister on perhaps the biggest day of her life. But I'm not saying I won't... if I can help it. Who knows?

On top of that, I'm going home with the bf, which means he would see the little city I grew up in, meet my relatives and friends (he has met my family about a year ago), and we'd have time together (more than anything else). Gosh, it's been five looooong months since we last saw each other, no? I'm eagerly counting the days until we meet again that's why I can't wait for this month's days to just move along.

Emoterang Frog

As 2010 comes to a close, the cliche is we take a look at what happened within the year and make an emo post about it all. I love cliches, you know? So here it goes...

Well, I really don't have any reason to whine for 2010, and that's quite a feat considering I whine for a past-time. Easily 2010 is one of the best years of recent memory, in all fronts in fact.

Work, while completely hectic, had been fulfilling. The office entrusted me with a couple of projects that I poured blood, sweat, and terms on. Ok, just a few sleepless nights. I like the challenge and tension of it all though; I like being busy and useful. Both projects ended this month and I'm quite proud of the accomplishments, although I wish they were nothing less than perfect.

In relation to work, I was also able to travel a bit this year. My first trip outside Southeast Asia was in Yunnan in September, followed by a meeting in Seoul in October, and then another official trip to Orissa, India this month. Despite being work trips of just a few days, I still managed to get a feel of the places I visited... and well someone else paid for those trips.

Speaking of holidays, my family visited me last May. It was the height of the crackdown of the "red shirt" protesters in Bangkok, my family did not see many parts of the city. Just having them here was good enough for me. They really liked Thai food and my mom was impressed with the canal tour - the most touristy of activities out there. I'm happy my mom made it for the trip despite her health. And I finally introduced my BF to my her.

Which brings me to the most significant aspect of my year... *blush blush*. It is the right time, and he is the right person, and I am in the right frame of mind, hence, things fell into place. We are close to celebrating one year together. The past twelve months had been a joy because of him. With how things worked so well during that period, I'm definitely looking forward to a more romantic future for him and me.

By the time this post finds its way on the blog I'd be in Vientiane for a workshop, which ends on Thursday. I'm staying a bit longer there to spend the new year, throwing toasts for 2011 with Beer Lao in my hand.

Inked

After ruminating for about a couple of years to get a tattoo I finally got one last night. For a long time I haven't had any concrete reason to get inked. Today, however, is the first anniversary of my father's death and I have long wanted to immortalize him in some way. It just so happened that I prefer to do it in a corporeal manner.

I want to remind my self of his legacy to me, being the most influential person in my life (my mom having that equal role). Since my dad died there has not been a day that I do not think of him, so I did not get the tattoo to remind him of me. It's just that I want to honor him in a certain way.

But really, my dad wouldn't have liked my getting a tattoo. He has always told us kids not to get any piercing or tattoo. He's simply conservative. So no, he would not approve of what I did, although it wouldn't be the first time that happened.

Anyway, back to last night... I simply walked to Khao San Road and went inside a tattoo shop, one of hundreds around that part of Bangkok. The place looked clean enough and the people looked sensible.

They traced the pattern I printed from the internet, they transferred it on a carbon paper, and then I had the print on my arm. I decided to put it on my inner right bicep because I want it to be inconspicuous. I'm not doing it to parade a tattoo.

The process was rather straightforward. No drama on my part, I mean. It was not really that painful, although I did wince many times just because I thought it was painful. I swear getting a Brazilian wax was more harrowing.

The tattoo is tiny and it's in black. It only took the artist three minutes to ink it in. And then it was over. I was given an ointment to apply on the tattoo twice a day. That's it.

The design is an old Filipino script called alibata or babayin. I used the modified version. I learned it in university over ten years ago and I had to refresh my knowledge of it through the internet. It's for you to find out what it means. :-)

Cut!

Thirteen years ago, I entered university. Months leading to commencing my studies, I was deliberating with my dad on what course I should take. My original intention was to take up Psychology, but my score in the entrance exam was not high enough (I'm even surprised I passed the exam!). Left to a limited list of degrees, I was inclined to enroll in Film and Audiovisual Communication as my first option and Theater Arts as an alternative.

My parents regarded those courses as somewhat impractical, my dad's point of view mainly. So in his hopes of me joining law school eventually, he chose my course: Public Administration.

I was of course just raring to head to Manila for university, despite joining a college someone else imposed on me. I was crossing my fingers then that eventually my dad would have a change of heart somewhere midway in my studies and allow me to shift to Film.

I tried my best to immerse my self in film while at the university (I honestly couldn't care less for my major subjects). The Film Center had regular screenings of films from Japan, France, Germany, Israel, Italy, etc., that I didn't have access to in Surigao. By watching some of the best works coming from the different parts of the world, I realized how many other ways a story could be told through the language of film-making, a far departure from the formulas of Hollywood that I was more exposed to previously.

Most importantly, my eyes were opened to the amazing heritage that was Filipino movies. Of course I've heard of Brocka and Bernal before that, but I haven't actually seen any of their masterpieces.

The university was generous in showcasing their works, among other movies by brilliant Pinoy film-makers who produced some of the best works of Philippine cinema, particularly those highlighting the political  radicalism of the 70s and early 80s. That period was touted as the second golden age of Philippine cinema. 

I was struck by the gritty realism of the films of Lino Brocka, such as Tinimbang Ka Ngunit Kulang, Insiang, Bayan Ko Kapit sa Patalim, and Maynila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag. Marilou Diaz-Abaya's Karnal still remains as one of my most unforgettable Filipino films.

Among the long list of remarkable films that came out in the 80s however, the one that stood out the most for me is Oro, Plata, Mata by Peque Gallaga, a nearly three-hour masterpiece I have seen three times to date. (I had a discussion with Miss Lyka Bergen about Oro, Plata, Mata yesterday, thus, prompting this post.)

Some of the best moments of my university days were spent inside the darkness of the theater. It helped that my dormitory was right across the university's cinema. I even skipped classes sometimes just to catch classics, well, such as the sexually explicit Scorpio Nights, which caused quite a big stir in campus when it was shown (our university had immunity from film censorship).My friends and I attended various film festivals the university regularly organized, such as those featuring films from Japan, which entranced us consistently.

Aside from watching films, I scoured the university libraries to read about cinema, which in the end I found too complicated, especially if one gets into the complex world of film criticism. I certainly felt juvenile in my understanding of what films are and how to relate them to a wider social context. For a time, however, I was satisfied to just sit on the sidelines as a film aficionado, but still hoping to study film eventually.

Not that I had a good idea what career I would have if I took Film. Back then, I just fancied a future in directing a porn film the great Filipino film or perhaps writing scripts. But looking at it now, my inclination was really film criticism.  

On my second year of coasting through university life and of being enrolled in a degree I was not particularly fond of, I finally dared to ask my dad if I could shift to film, to which he grudgingly agreed (I don't know how I convinced him, honestly).

I immediately applied to the College of Mass Communication, a very convoluted process in such a typically miserable state university, for the next term in the Film and Audiovisual department. By some strange turn of luck, I missed the interview schedule, thus, effectively cutting my chance in film school. I did not try again the next term, feeling guilty that doing so would extend my time in the university to the disappointment of my parents.

So I trudged on to finish Public Administration and tried to understand public policy and government instead (however, perhaps as an act of rebellion I refused to go to law school after university, as my dad originally intended).

With a botched career in film (or so I think), I kept my interest in movies, but never actually getting inside it nor comprehending its theories and process. I pretty much remain as an outsider, a dilettante if you may.

The Visit

Quick update from the Bayot from Surigao... I'm doing this in an internet cafe. My PC decided to not work just when I have loads of updates. But that's all right; gives me reason to stop blabbering.

So yesterday my family went back to Las Islas Filipinas after staying here in Thailand for about a week. It was a frentic visit. I showed them around the usual tourist places in BKK as well as a train ride to Ayutthaya and an overnight trip to Koh Samet.

It was definitely fun being with them, and I could tell they also enjoyed their trip despite the rigid itinerary I imposed on them (buwahahahahaha). My mom enjoyed the klong (canal) tour. But in Ayutthaya, she finally said "Oh, that's look like what we saw earlier" when we reached our third temple. My brother and sister loved the beach of course. Unfortunately, I could not show them around the night spots in BKK as the curfew was still in effect when they were here.

One of the highlights of the trip was introducing Lara Stone to my mom, the first time I introduced a BF to her.

Sharing some photos below...

Bangkok, why?

No one expected the seemingly peaceful demonstrations the red shirts started about three months ago would conclude with the unconscionable deaths of dozens of people, appalling damage to property, and, worst of all, an undeniably torn Thailand, the ramifications of which are foreseen to last for many years to come.

With the magnitude of what transpired in the past few months, in its wake is a hysteria of finger-pointing among the red shirts, government, yellow shirts, military, media, and casual observers. I doubt if an explanation would satisfy any of these parties, much less if justice would be served or whether a reasonable compromise would be reached at all. As of now, there are no clear winners and losers.

Having observed the events in Thailand not just in the past few months but over the nearly three years of my time here, I could not make my self take sides. It would be far more convenient if I can, but my sentiments vacillate between the many factions of the many opposing sides.

Perhaps in the first place there is no need to choose whose purported truth I should believe in. Just like most cases, there are no black and white in such chaotic episodes.

I just, however, need to take this off my chest. After the despicable events in the recent days, one of the many things that annoyed me is the number of people who expressed (such as in Facebook and Twitter) their dismay over the burning of Central World and who have vilified the people who did it. Some have even said that those who died deserved it after what they have done to their favorite shopping mall.

I certainly do not condone the arsonists' acts; and specifically in the case of Central World, the people who burned the mall should answer to the law (together with those who committed illegal acts during the demonstrations, both on the sides of the reds and the government). Also, clearly many people, mostly minimum-wage earners who work directly or indirectly for the mall, lost their jobs, and that is surely one tragic consequence.

While there are only a number of people, mainly Bangkokians, mourning the demise of Central World (as in the mall as a building), I'm still totally dumbfounded and furious at their insensitivity. For crying out loud, it's just a bloody mall! Nobody deserved to die just because you cannot shop, for heaven's sake.

Why would anyone feel so strongly for a cause that he'd want to die for it? Surely it's not just because he was paid to leave his farm and family to sit under the summer sun in the middle of Bangkok for a measly amount of money? Think of the larger picture, people. Look deeper into what prompted these demonstrations to begin with.

There, I just needed to say that.

Meanwhile, let me share what happened to me when all hell broke lose in BKK since late last week. Well, there's nothing much to say except that I live in a safe area, a few kilometers away from the virtual war zone that was central Bangkok.

On the other hand, Lara Stone's apartment was right in the middle of the violent clashes between the protesters (or terrorists as the government have since labeled them) and the police and military. So he headed to my place last Friday and stayed with me for roughly six days.

During that time, we stayed within my area, while in the distance, visible from my building, tall plumes of smoke from smoldering tires (and eventually buildings such as Central World) painted the Bangkok skyline gray for days.

Work was canceled for the entire week (although for some reason our office decided to open starting last Wednesday, the height of the crackdown).

We monitored the situation mostly through the online newspapers and Twitter (the latter being somewhat up to date and misleading at the same time). We are very much awestruck and repulsed at how the violence just spiraled out of control and hoped it would end soon.

And then last Wednesday evening the government started imposing a curfew, initially at 8 pm to 6 am. That afternoon we dropped by the backpacker haven of Khao San Road and most of the shops in the area were shuttered. I have never seen the mostly rowdy area absolutely desolate. We rushed back home, the tuktuk driving through empty streets.

My family was scheduled to arrive in Bangkok yesterday evening for a few days' holiday but I had to request them to reschedule their trip to a few days later because curfew (now 9 pm to 5 am) was imposed for another three days. So much for my mom celebrating her birthday here. Sayang!

Must-read: Written on the Body

Tonight I finished reading Written on the Body (1992) by Jeanette Winterson. I've read one other Winterson book in the university called The Passion and I loved that book so much I read it twice. Our teacher who assigned us that book also recommended Written on the Body and I have long been curious about it until luckily I found the novel in some second-hand bookshop.

The first page of the book is already a thing of beauty, with lines as: "You said, 'I love you.' Why is it that the most unoriginal thing we can say to one another is still the thing we long to hear?". Right there I knew I was in for a good book.

It is definitely a worthy read, mostly intriguing because the main character is nameless and is gender-less. He/she sleeps with both men and women, names of which the character mentions in many parts of the book it's sometimes hard to keep track who is whom.But at the center of his/her obsession is Louise, a married woman with whom the main character cheats (he/she is also dating someone at the same time).

I find the language beautifully languid and introspective. The character has a tendency to ramble, albeit beautifully, taking a fascination with random things against which to refer his/her romantic escapade.

The novel is about passion as much as loss, where all love affairs end. " 'You'll get over it...' It's the cliches that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes."

For some reason, these lines reminded me of my dad's passing away a few months ago. Since his death, I've had about four dreams in which images of him flash and ultimately I find my self crying hysterically in my dream. It always wakes me up and I could feel my heart beating very fast. I expect my self to be actually crying because in my dream I'm like seriously bawling, but I find the pillow dry.

There had been no day that I did not think of my dad. I'm sure it's pretty normal and I don't get particularly sad whenever I think of him. At this stage, I'm just proud of my dad and what he achieved and I would like to think he is fondly remembered by some people as well.

Nonetheless, I could not help feeling a sense of emptiness whenever I realize I will never see him again. I guess this is what Winterson means, that to lose someone creates a void in you no one and nothing can fill and it will remain a void forever. And I guess if that means remembering him with fondness and love, I have every reason to honor his memory everyday.

I'm still constantly concerned how my mom is coping though. I still cannot imagine what she is going through, and it does not help that there had been no opportunity for her and me to talk about what she's feeling. Luckily, she is coming to BKK for a visit, along with my sister and brother.

Danggit, Bai!

I arrived from Cebu last Friday evening, hence, a travel report is in order, chai mai? I know it's rather late but the weekend was busy as hell, with too many things to do (chief of which was buying a new bed... fucking FINALLY!) and catch up with friends and all.

There's really nothing much to say about the conference, except that it went well in general. I also met a few former colleagues from Manila, and that for me was the highlight of the event.

Oh, a few notes on the hotel. It's lovely but I had higher expectations from such an overpriced resort. I was largely underwhelmed by the facilities, to be honest, although the service was very warm, I have to note. I'm not supposed to complain anyway coz I did not pay for the accommodations.

Evenings, after the meetings, were spent with the family of course. My mom looks way better than when I last saw her last December. She decided to change treatments and the effects are showing. She could walk properly now and her spirit is considerably upbeat. I cannot be more elated.

My brother, on the other hand, is moving to Manille in about a couple of months. Should be exciting for him. It'd be his first time to live with my sister, who is not easy as a housemate, having lived with her for some years my self. Kidding, dahling! My sister is a gem (rolls eyes clockwise). Well, she really is (rolls eyes counter-clockwise)!

I also met a couple of cousins from my mom's side and of course Mansing.

And then I swapped updates with BFF Nikki and Philmar. We even managed to terrorize the hotel with hours and hours of camwhoring. Of course.

The next day, I was scheduled to meet again my mom and brother but they were like late so I had so much free time I decided to buy one shirt. And then the shirts just piled until at the end of the day I also snagged a pair of jeans from Bleach Catastrophe (which was on sale) and a pair of sandals for the summer, among other things. I swear I did not plan to shop, but of course we all know how impulsive I am with these things. Now I have to live on subsistence level for the rest of the month.

Anyhoot, before we left for BKK, my boss asked me to take him to the statue of Lapu-lapu, which is like three minutes by car from the hotel. Lapu-lapu is supposedly Las Islas Filipinas' first national hero after killing Magellan in the battle of Mactan. But what they did not mention in the history books is that Lapu-lapu went to the gym! Damn, those pecs!

We left for Bangkok last Friday, via Manille, where I met BFF Meredel at the airport. She's as divine as ever! We only had about an hour to spare before my flight took off. So we quickly updated each other on who's getting married among our classmates from the university. Gosh, there had been hordes of them getting hitched, and more to follow I learned!

Guess who got a safety pin pendant?
Oh, I brought some danggit from Cebu, what else, aber? I invited Liwayway and Bubbles to my house last Sunday. The kitchen and the office lobby smelled of dried fish the moment we started frying them, which we then dipped in vinegar. What else is there to do but eat with our hands, di ba?

We also had some calamansi juice, dried mangoes, and otap!!! It was a perfect Pinoy brunch. Liwayway also brought some white wine, hence, we were on the table for hours.

In Cebu...

It had been a looong day. I woke up at 4:30 am, BKK time, to get ready for the airport. Total sleep, five hours after a long night of packing.

Lunch time we arrived in Manila. A leigh of sampaguita (jasmine?) flowers welcomed me at the airport and we were whisked to the VIP area. We did not even had to go through customs and immigration.

We moved to NAIA terminal 2... waited in a room just dedicated to the conference participants. We even had catered food. Not bad for a four-hour wait at the airport.

We left Manila early evening. Beautiful sunset! It was way beyond beautiful actually.

Arrived in Cebu. Women in Filipino costumes greeted us. More leighs. Our bags were loaded in a van. We were whisked to the hotel, a police convoy clearing the way for us. Pretty neat!

Meetings in the next three days. Could not be more than boring.

But at least I'd meet my mom, who is arriving from Surigao tomorrow. I cannot wait to see how she's doing. My brother, who works in Cebu, is also meeting us, and some cousins, and BFF Nikki.

Oh, I ate Cebu mangoes tonight. Simply the best!

Kodakan

As I mentioned in a previous post, my family mainly drew our strength in facing the death of my dad from our relatives and friends. They supported us in many ways during such a challenging time. It brought us comfort that we shared our grief with people very close to us. At no point during the funeral and the holidays did we feel alone, both emotionally and physically, which proved to be of value to my mom most of all.

So today I'm sharing the photos taken last December (it had taken me this long to get into the mood of sharing them), in which you'd see some of my cousins, aunts, and friends who were constantly around us.

First, look who I met at the airport on my way home? I was on a stopover in Cebu, and Sarah, my ex-colleague and fag hag extraordinaire, was on her way back to Davao from Cagayan de Oro. I couldn't be more thrilled! Unfortunately we only had like an hour for coffee.

Now in Surigao... I told you that my cousins now have spawns that wreck the house like crazy. Again, it creeps the hell out of me that they look exactly like my cousins when we were younger.

Now look at my baby doll, Isay! She's a darling and a model in the making. She loves it when I put make up on her. I told her mom that at two years old it's the right time for the kid to start dieting.

And then there's Mansing, who has been with the family for more than fifteen years.

And this is Auntie Vikki, my dad's sister who's based in London. We smoke a lot when we're together. Love, love, love her to bits. With her is my cousin Michael (mom's side).

New Year's eve there was a strong thunderstorm that flooded some parts of Surigao. We had no choice but to stay indoors and played mah jong. I learned to play it during the wake and mind you I won quite often. What did I tell you about my Chinese blood? Choz!

Whereas my brother is a big loser in mah jong. Ha!

Well, I also helped in the house a bit. A bit means once I cooked ESPEYSHAL turon for Christmas eve. I forced every visitor to eat the freaking turon and I did not bother to ask for some feedback. On the right side of the photo is Shiela, my cousin (mom's side), cooking some hot-dogs.

My sister celebrated her 22nd birthday (wink wink), which falls on the same day as my parents' wedding anniversary. Two photos down is my sister and her BF of nine years. Don came all the way from Davao (about ten hours from Surigao) to visit my sister on her birthday. Ang haba ng hair ni ate!

And when in Las Islas Filipinas you have to do the karaoke until the place closes and you had to be dragged outside by the security guard.

Of course I also spent some time with my super amigas from high school. Below are Gheleene, Lyn Mei, and Nikki.

And speaking of familiar faces, look which national icon Gheleene daringly molested?

Lastly, I had the opportunity to participate in the annual Crayons for Peace project of UP Maradjaw Karadjaw. UP MK is the student organization of Suriganons in UP. I was one of its founding members ten years ago.

We have also been doing the Crayons for Peace project for a decade now. We mainly distribute coloring books and crayons to kids in Surigao, hoping that their love for different colors would translate to their acceptance of diversity, hence, helping promote peace. The two (colors and peace) are not exactly directly connected, but the coloring books themselves have stories and photos that teach kids the concept of peace.


P.S. The good photos are courtesy of my sister, while the crappy ones are mine. :-)