Monday, April 30, 2007

Something Happened…

…in Malate last Saturday: I saw W-2.

I did not plan to go out that evening until at almost midnight M (a kababayan) and J (a college friend) invited me to Bed. I loved it that Bed was packed (as usual) that night because I had more chance of acting voyeur in some corner, which always happens when I'm at a gay club. To my friends, who were dancing like crazy, I was not having a great time. This of course is not entirely true. The only reason why I went there was to watch people, besides I've never been a good dancer. At 4 a.m., we hopped to ghastly Che'lu (across the street from Bed) for more dance floor action.

I saw W-2 on our way there. My eyes were just wandering until it landed on him. It took me more than a couple of seconds to recognize him. My instinct then was to say hi but instantly I backed out. I was relieved that he did not see me at all so I looked away as fast I could. I simply did not know what to say. After all, it's not everyday that one sees his ex di ba?

I had long known that W-2 moved to Manila to work here right after graduation. That must have been more than three years ago, just about the same time when we broke up. Very shortly after that we intermittently communicated that's why I still got scraps of information about his life back then. But for years now we did not see any need to keep in touch.

I'm not sure why I still regard seeing him as something notable. Maybe it has to be the fact that it was my first time to see him after these years. However, for a person with whom I shared a very profound relationship, I still did not have the courage to say something to him. Why kaya?

Friday, April 27, 2007

Ballot Box

In about two weeks millions of Filipinos would troop to voting precincts for the midterm elections. The campaign period had been a protracted orgy of mudslinging, odious shifting of allegiances, and absurd (not to mention expensive) campaign extravaganzas. For the impoverished Filipino, the elections is that occasional time in his life when politicians actually give him attention in the hope of getting his precious vote.

After the melee of the elections, when the victors emerge and the losers bemoan that they were cheated, the poor would be lucky to ever see again the very same people who pledged to fight for their cause. The politicians strap themselves in the Senate or Congress while squandering the people's money and occasionally participating in more mudslinging just to seem relevant until the next elections come along. It's a vile cycle.

So far I've only voted twice, in 1998 and 2001. After which, I did not bother to step in another voting center again. For one, there's really no good choice of candidates. Second, and in the slim likelihood that there'd be some candidate worth voting for, I have no assurance that my vote would be honestly counted anyway (refer to the Hello Garci scandal). Third, if my vote for a particular candidate were actually counted and he/she wins, it would be a matter time before he/she is sucked by the system (think Loren Legarda).

I realized however that this is exactly the kind of apathy that has been further pushing our country to breakdown. A large portion of people has simply given up, content of watching Filipinos being swallowed by the quagmire. Unfortunately I think I am part of that disenchanted lot. Really, I wish I had the wherewithal to take part in anything that at least would give this country some hope. Isn't doing nothing just as bad? Because between me, who is fast becoming a politically jaded prick, and the politicians, who is more heinous?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Sashay, Shante

The zenith of being a ramp model, according to Tyra Banks, is when you can walk down the runway with "wind in your hair". She was referring to a built-in wind machine that you create while sashaying. Watch any Victoria Secret fashion show with Ms. Tyra on it and you'd understand what she's saying.

Only a few select models can successfully create the effect. These are models who can bring magic on the runway with their long tresses looking like wings flapping gently. I know Carmen Kass can do that wind-in-the-hair thing perfectly; so can Maria Carla Boscono.

As a frustrated runway model (choz!) I have been working on that wind-in-the-hair effect for some time now. Every chance I get I try to come up with a particular walk that would somehow toss my hair like crazy. The only thing that has come out of those efforts though are several instances of me almost falling flat on my face right on the pavement. It's hard. But I will not stop trying because clearly I was born to be a ramp model.

When I was a young gay bastard my first foray into walking down the ramp was in the aisle of the cathedral in bumfuck Surigao. For some reason, relatives and friends of my parents often tap me to be the ring-bearer in their bloody weddings. Of course I was always ready to walk any given aisle. Who can resist the idea of walking down a carpet decked with flowers left and right? Who can resist the idea being drowned in camera flashes from all directions? Isn't that the best practice for the life of a runway model?

I swearI had a signature walk. It's all in the stride. They should be long but slow. My mantra was GLIDE. And of course there's the requisite half smile.

But the harsh part of being a fucking ring-bearer is wearing the stiff barong and carrying the boring pillow. I always envied the flower girls who wore long skirts with ribbons galore. I yearned for those baskets of overflowing flowers that they carried! I even envied the fact that those little cunts are wearing make-up.

When I reached about seven years old, my ring-bearer days were over as apparently I was not cute anymore. But at least during my "retirement", I was Surigao's top ring-bearer ha.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Crave


This is the depression that I predicted a few weeks back.

The problem is I have a sense of entitlement to success. I have an illusion that I deserve to always win, ergo failure is never option. When I have invested all my energies in a goal that I would turn out to be defeated in I feel very insignificant.

So for now nothing's worth looking forward to. I'm yet in another phase of stagnation. It's scary when things in my life go on a standstill because the craziest thoughts come into my mind. I simply lose any sense of foresight hence I can make some really brash decisions.

I wish I could lay low for a while. I wish I could stop anticipating for the next big thing to happen in my life.

But the truth is I don't even live in the present. The present is inconsequential. It is boring and something best left behind immediately. Instead, I've chosen to base my life on a sense of anticipation. I just need something to look forward to, something to latch my life on, at least momentarily. Anything, as long as it gives me a sense of purpose.

Photo Credit: Hedi Slimane Diary

Skip it Like Manny

I bought my first skipping rope yesterday. Neon green. I can't get more 80s than that.

The past few months, I saw my blood pressure skyrocket to an all-time high of 170/something. That's really way up there and I would not be surprised if I have a stroke anytime soon. Now that is really scary especially because hypertension runs in the family.

First, I decided to make drastic changes in my diet. No more salty food. I have yet to avoid oily foods but I would try my mighty best to cut down on it as well. I can't give up coffee. Second to oxygen, it keeps me functioning.

The neon green skipping rope should force me into exercise. Last night after yoga, I interspersed it with my abdominal crunches. I heard skipping rope is some serious exercise but I realized it's too gay, which is exactly perfect.

But really, skipping rope is more butch than I initially thought. After reading some stuff on the internet, I learned it is an integral part of a boxer's conditioning program. I now know Manny Pacquiao and I have something in common.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

On Traveling Alone

Dominating the headlines of today's papers is the recovery of the remains of US Peace Corps volunteer Julia Campbell. She was found in a shallow grave not too far from the hiking path that leads to the majestic rice terraces in Batad where she was vacationing. It is believed that she was murdered.

Last December, one a trip that I took by my self, I also visited Batad, which is a secluded village 30 minutes away by jeep from the town of Banaue. To get to the Batad rice terraces I walked another 30 minutes from the drop off point using the same path that Julia used before her death.

This incident brought to mind the inherent dangers of traveling alone, a thing that I do very often. While working in Mindanao I frequently found my self traveling on my own to conflict-affected areas such as Sulu and Basilan. In hindsight I seem to have taken for granted the risks involved in those work-related trips. I was more excited at the thought of reaching far-flung areas that a few travelers would dare go.

Even on vacations, I seem to do better when traveling alone. My recent trip to Cagayan Valley affirmed this strongly. With two other companions, I had to accommodate their pace. I was constantly panicking and irritated at the thought that I had little influence on the itinerary. This substantially contrasted with traveling alone because I had full control on what I would do. Nobody to compromise with.

I now remember that somehow I have managed to take some precautions when traveling. For one, I always texted my sister about my whereabouts on a daily basis. At least she had the complete information of the hotel where I was staying and the spots that I was visiting. I also tried to be inconspicuous during my trips. Not flashing anything valuable is one thing I abide by.

On the other hand, being a naïve bastard, I constantly find my self talking to strangers in bus stations, hotels, or restaurants. I couldn't even help giving such sensitive information such as where I'm staying or that I'm traveling alone. I realized these are things that no stranger should know at all especially when in a place where I was virtually helpless.

All it takes to have a totally enjoyable trip is an ounce of precaution. Researching about your destination would also help, particularly on the peace and order situation of the area. Yet given the dangers, I have not changed my mind on traveling alone. I still think that it is still the best way to travel. The only downside to it is that nobody would take your pictures.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Good Luck!


I'm posting the latest picture of me and Sarah. This may be our last picture in a long time coz the biatch moved back to Davao. Ganyan, you leave me all the fucking time. But heck, I'm not writing you any "goodbye" letter again coz the last one I gave you was a total mess and should be obliterated ASAP.

Sarah, mag-detox ka na muna. Lose weight. Grow your hair. Get that bloody diploma. Be merry. Stay away from men. Exercise. Use sunblock. Pout.

I'm fucking missing you but I know we'd see each other soon.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Mga Baboy Kayoh!

This has to be the funniest post I've seen in a long time, courtesy of Chuvaness (whose blog I truly truly love). Check the entry here.

Gay Pigs

Pigs eating pigs.

Photo Credit: Chuvaness

I'm So Fired

Did anybody notice the heat last weekend? I barely moved last Saturday but I was still SWEATENING (as Mayor Vi once said) profusely like I was in the middle of fucking Sahara desert. I had no energy to do anything else but sleep on my futon with a thin film of sweat all over my body. I pretty much slept the entire Saturday and woke up at ten in the evening to watch for the seventh time sections of Dreamgirls (gawd that film is so gay, gay, gay!).


Oh, I also finished the fifth season of The Apprentice, which is like becoming one of my all-time favorite reality shows EVAR. I swear Donald Trump is my long-lost father. He should get me out of this hellhole pronto. Where I truly belong is to sleep between him and that Melania (god, I'm sure I can out-pout her!).

Yesterday my sister, her boyfriend, and I went to Landmark and Glorietta. I love it every time Manny Pacquiao has a fight. The streets are virtually unclogged of any traffic making driving totally stress-free. Even the malls were less crowded.

P.S.

UPDATE LANG: Last April 7 I squeezed in a visit to an internet café while we were in Tuguegarao City to check my email. I finally received that email that I've been waiting for since like forever. It came out that I'm waitlisted. Blah. Not exactly a rejection but not exactly an acceptance either. It's like I'm supposed to hang in here and WAIT. I hate waiting of all things. And the chance of me getting in is so slim anyway.

Time to simply move on.


Photo Credit: Photo.net

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Cagayan Valley Wara-wara

As mentioned in the previous posts, I spent the Holy Week break in Northeast Luzon with my friends Levicel and Rain. The first stop of the Cagayan Valley trip was in Santiago, Isabela. Armed with a map that Levicel printed from the internet, she thought Santiago would be a good jump-off point for the interesting sights (by and large old churches) in the neighboring towns. Our first day in Santiago was spent mostly at the Balay Santiago, which serves as the town's museum. Frankly, a half-day's stay in a small museum was too much for me, especially because it had nothing very interesting to offer except some unused calesas and a couple of higantes. It's a basic (newly constructed) Spanish-style house with capiz windows and a few exhibits on the second floor. I was quite relieved when Levicel's friend, Marson, picked us up and brought us to Magat dam, a few minutes away from the town center. It was my first time to see a dam and a humungous one at that. Since it is summer, the water level went down considerably, exposing a few islands that used to be hills but are now submerged in water.





The next day, before heading to our next destination, we visited a village that specializes in making patupat, the native delicacy of Santiago. It's a version of puso (rice wrapped in coconut leaves) but is instead made of sticky rice and cooked in boiling sugarcane juice. Each piece is very filling especially because it's super sweet. We did not even bother to eat neither lunch nor dinner the entire day.

Along the way to the next stop, I realized how Isabela (and in fact the entire Cagayan Valley region) is so blessed with such fertile soil perfect for agriculture. Its flat topography and the abundance of water courtesy of the mighty Cagayan River makes it an agricultural powerhouse. It is no wonder that majority of grains in the country is grown in the region. I swear, I have never seen fields of rice and corn as far as the eyes can see.



Our second day continued with a stop over in the Isabela's capital city, Ilagan. We asked around for the caves that we spotted in the map and were directed to a town fifteen minutes away. The caves proved to be disappointing because there were no guides available. So we proceeded to the next town called Tumauin to see the wonderful St. Mathias cathedral, which is like hundreds of years old. It is made of red bricks with an interesting conical bell tower that resembled a wedding cake. I'm really a sucker for old churches and this one did not disappoint me.

We were supposed to visit another old church two towns away but we could not find a van to take us there. In fact there was no van to take us anywhere especially because evening was fast approaching. Our recourse was to take bus back to Ilagan where we found a van that barely had enough space for three more passengers. At eight that evening we reached Tuguegarao City, which is the capital of the province of Cagayan. I particularly loved the towering old church of the city which resembled yet another wedding cake.




The next day, we took a long tricycle ride to Callao Caves. We had to take a small boat across one of the tributaries of the Cagayan River and climbed nearly 200 steps to reach the mouth of the cave. Where I came from we had a lot of caves as well but nothing prepared me for the enormity of those in Callao. Composed of seven main chambers, the height of each chamber probably equals that of a ten-story building. Most of the chambers are capped by huge openings that bring shafts of light into the middle of the cave. The second chamber was converted into a small grotto while the rest remain untouched. Maybe I should take that back because I was disappointed at the irresponsibility of some tourists who defaced the walls of the caves with graffiti. After the caves, our boat brought us up the placid river surrounded by steep limestone cliffs. We had a quick lunch at some rocks that serve as a picnic area (boring...). We immediately went back to Tuguegarao to take another van to the next town to see Calvary Hills. I simply refuse to talk about the kitsch that was Calvary Hills, so let's move on. We were supposed to still visit the renowned church of the Lady of Piat but yet again we did not have time. Instead we found ourselves in a van to Aparri.

Not in my wildest dream did I expect to reach Aparri, which had been made popular by the theme song of Eat Bulaga. It is not yet the northern-most tip of the country but it's definitely way up north. Well there's really nothing much going on there. It's just a small, quaint town hammered by a relentless cold wind. Aparri is not exactly our final destination yet so the next day we traveled further northeast to reach Palaui island, which is already on the fringes of the Babuyan channel. Only Batanes could've been "more north" than Palaui.





The medium-sized island is one of the undiscovered treasures of Cagayan Valley. While not exactly remote (only less than fifteen minutes from the main land) it does not have electricity nor water. Most of it is still covered by thick forest and sparsely populated. After reaching the island at 3pm we immediately headed to Cape Enganio, which we read about in a magazine. All the locals told us to get a guide lest we get lost in the forest, it is a 4.8 kilometer walk afterall. Being hardheaded bitches, Levicel, Rain, and I decided that we can find our way through the trail. We were pretty much saved early into our trek by a boy no less than six years old named Victoriano. At first he only seemed to be walking along with us but in no time he was already acting as our guide. He only spoke Ilocano, a language that none of us understood. Nonetheless, he headed the pack through mangrove, along a coastline, up the hills covered by gnarled branches and roots, down grasslands, and more forests. It was undoubtedly a long, challenging trek until we reached the cape two hours later.





Uninhabited, Cape Enganio is pure heaven with its white sand beach framed by tall mountains. We scaled a hill to reach a centuries-old lighthouse overlooking craggy cliffs and rock formations in the distance. What remained of the lighthouse are its thick walls and pretty much nothing else. It was in fact very eerie but the view is more than spectacular. We camwhored like hell as fast as we could. With the sun setting rapidly, we did not have time to swim in the clear water of the cape (sayang!) but decided to head back to the village instead. Without the adept Victoriano we could've easily lost our way in the darkness. We settled in a beach house that its caretakers allowed us to use for a fee. After a dinner of crackers (yes we did not bring decent food), we went to the shore to build a bonfire using coconut leaves (see previous post for the picture). Back to the house and tired from the long trip, we slept in the glow of candles.

Early the next day, a small boat brought us back to the mainland where we started nearly eighteen hours of land travel back to Manila.

See more pictures here!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Smoldering


What was supposedly a three-day trip became five long days of backpacking through a large part of the Cagayan Valley region. It was definitely not one long luxurious trip but was nonetheless spectacular. I'm definitely looking forward to post about my experiences from the trip but I still need more sleep. For now here's a fiery preview.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Escape

Tonight I'd be leaving Manila for a nine-hour bus ride to Ilagan, Isabela, which is the first stop of our trip to Northeastern Luzon. I'm not quite sure what to see in Isabela yet but I'm leaving the itinerary to Levicel who is doing this trip to research on a tour package for her travel company.

On Wednesday, we'd be moving to Tuguegarao, Cagayan Valley where I know the Callao Caves are. But I'm more excited about the whitewater rafting that I've long wanted to do. By Thursday we should be reaching some small island north of Cagayan for some beach action.

I'm also relieved to be taking this trip because I simply need to take my mind off that bloody email that I've been waiting for. It's due on the sixth of April. I'm so ready to be either ecstatic about its results or simply dive into depression otherwise. But for now, I'm forcing my self to forget about it.

Sigh.

Photo Credit: Images Philippines

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