Monday, February 23, 2009

Singular Delusion

I have to give credit to Jericho's post on being single for inspiring me to write this entry.

So here's my take on being single.

For some reason, I recently had similar discussions with many of my gay friends. I wonder why it come up almost constantly as a topic of conversation and I've presented my argument over and over again these past months that I might as well post it here.

Also, it has happened not more than once that when I go MSNing or YMing with my friends in Las Islas Filipinas (you know who you are, bitches), they would pretty much automatically ask me how my "love life" is.

Is it expected that we always have to have a "love life" that they even skip the question if I'm even dating, let alone if I want to be in a relationship at all?

When people know that I've been single for the past five years, I'm often asked if it is by choice or circumstance. I wish I have a more simple answer to that question but it has never been about just one reason.

Sometimes it's exclusively a choice or exclusively because of circumstance, or a combination of both, with one reason stronger than the other. And even that changes over time and I often find my self constantly swinging from one direction to another.

Does that sound a bit complicated? Well, because it truly is.

It would take me days to explain my thoughts on relationships (asus, emote di ba?), but by and large I would classify into the following categories the reasons why I'm not in a relationship right now:

1) Mobility. Most of the time I honestly don't have an idea where I'd find my self within the next two years. And you know what they say, always travel light. With all my shoes, coats, hats, couture gowns, AND toiletries, do you think I still have enough space for a man in my luggage?

2) Priority. Simply, I have better and more immediate things to do. Like, I don't know, knitting, gardening, photo shoots, charity balls, etc. Come to think of it, if I really want a relationship, I would have worked on it with single-mindedness a long time ago. But obviously, I don't want it that bad enough.

3) Lack of suitable men. Am I alone on this impression that the men we have around are just appallingly not trust-worthy? As decent human beings, how difficult is it to be sincere, committed, honest, and genuine? Am I reaching for the stars here? I don't think so. And no, dahling, don't get me started on the men in BangCock.

4) Fear of rejection and pain. Now we all have this, no? But mine is stronger than most people, it seems. I wish I were more daring to jump into a relationship fairly easily but knowing really well what an emotional queen I am, I choose to protect my self from, well... my self! Somebody give me courage. I can handle dry skin very well but definitely not a broken heart. You have no idea.

5) Not so positive view on relationships. I always, always ask my self if these relationships are ever worth it. It is clear that these are not forever, so what is the point exactly of starting one at all? To have at least good memories with someone? Rolls eyes. Because you learn your lessons and you emerge a better person after a relationship? Yeah right.

(At this point, the bayot realizes that this post is long-ish already, which is a real challenge to my lazy, lazy ass.)

So there, that's basically the top five reasons. And looking at it now, I appear selfish, no? But aren't we all?

Anyway, where do I stand right now given these factors? It's basically a confluence of the five but in most of my conversations with my friends, it appears that my fear of rejection and pain is more prominent for now.

Negative self-talk is also taking its toll. Call it pessimism but I think it is just being realistic and pragmatic.

But no, I've not closed my doors to possibilities. Absolutely not. I know I have so much love to give (asus!!!) and with all objectivity, I'm fairly easy to tolerate (ask my mom), but really, just show me a person worth werqing for and let's talk business.

For the mean time, I'm very much happy baking sugar-free cookies.


The Zen Bitch said...

panalo ang last line. yun lang.

Yj said...

hindi pa lang kasi siya dumarating sa buhay mo sister.... pag yan dumating at nayanig ang mundo mo, baka toiletries nalang matira sayo just make room for him.... hehehehe

jericho said...

i owe you an apology. pinagod kita sa pagta-type with that post. hahaha. pag nagkita tayo sa bkk, kanta tayo ng Single Ladies habang nagba-bar hop. chos! ;)

John said...

Actually co-star Anil Kapoor who’s also become quite media savvy these days says that they may be dating in real life. Reportedly, Kapoor told an American radio station that the two, who play childhood sweethearts who find love in and out of slums, had a ‘magical chemistry’. He also told the Daily Telegraph, “They definitely make a great pair. Both of them look very good together.”

Ekra Tan said...

maling posting ako nag comment
lipat mo na lang dito neh!


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Bubbles said...

no comment?!

Kiks said...

you're not selfish. and definitely not cynical.

others are single by choice and by force. or sabi mo nga, a combination of everything you've written down.

and while others enjoy eating the siopao, you like eating the paper underneath.

(sasama ba ako sa "single" series na to...? sya sige.)

fuchsiaboy said...

lol to ekra!

my gulay, kaya pala matamlay ka at walang gana these past few days. di nage-effect ang united homes tiki-tiki na iniinom mo.

alam naman natin di ka pa rin totally over sa kay 'he-who-must-not-be-named'. pagod na pagod ka pa. wala ng natitirang pagmamahal sa iyong puso para sa iba. sariwa pa ang mga sandali habang ikaw ay nakahandusay sa pader wearing jean paul gaultier gown. buti na lang you had waterproof maybelline mascarra that time.

dahling, life's too short to be tied to one fucking guy. Same thing as just baking one flavor of sugar free cookies.

Was Once said...

Ok, you want my two cents as an elder gay?
First of all, of my past long time lovers(more than 4 years), I met all but one outside of clubs, through friends, etc. For every lover there is at least 4 rejects that you would date and find not fit for a relationship. The better ones are those that have seen failure and success or at least failure, so they have their head on straight for expectations. Sure, there were rejects that I cried over, and moved on...but became important learning tools for me. Hopefully you can get past your fears, and try worthwhile ones. Take it easy and slow. I am still good friends with past lovers...started as good friends so when they or us moved on...we slipped back into friends. Remember that you cannot make someone love you, when you don't love yourself...but not in a selfish, egotistical way. Opposites make better lovers, and can open your mind up with different ways of thinking. I know Bangkok is difficult though....wishing all the luck.

me said...

mas dalagang Pilipina ka pa kasi kesa sa akin at mas mapili ka pa sa mapiling ina.

buti na yung single kesa naman magkamali ka ng paulit ulit ulit ulit. at least at the end of the day ang tawag sa iyo ay "pihikan". imaginin mo na lang ang tawag sa akin.... starts with a T ends with an A :)

nurturer said...

ang tanong - is being single or taken for that matter a prerequisite of being happy?

patrick said...

how true that there are only few people, (well, guys) who are trust-worthy, honest, sincere, and blah-blah..

but then, i feel that it's not about the perfect match at the moment that you spend 2 hours together, say, on a date.. rather, it's your feeling that the other wants to be with you in unlocking each other's mysteries.

'you're the one i'll be better for', is one line i'm holding on to.

"khop-pung-khap", (hands on the waist.. charito! ^_^)

Dawn Selya said...

When he comes along, you will know and feel he's the one...

Ekra Tan said...

i like number one and number 3. i think they are my main reasons too for being a single lady. di ba beyonce? chos.

lalo na now this frugal living eklat i am into, i don't need a man to complicate my life dabuzz.. steamed alugbati and tokwa ok na yan.

people are people. lahat tayo di perfect. the issue is compromise. willing ba tayong makisama for the sake of pagsasama? relationships are beautiful don't get me wrong, but they're not all that as the movies show they are. life is tough, that's the basic premise. it is actually hard work to pursue happiness.

tama na nga. parand di ko kaya yon chos.

Importante Happi. like the toothpaste.

as one friend would say... GO LANG NG GO BAKLA!!

kawadjan said...

hi guys! i couldn't believe that this post would be a box office hit! thanks for sharing your thoughts. will keep you posted how this goes. sigh.


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