Ang TV... Bow

I’m beginning to wonder… Is it time for me to buy a TV?

In previous entries, I’ve mentioned that my sister and I have agreed that we are not welcoming a TV into our apartment. We realize the pernicious effects of TV on us, which generally means that we could not do anything else but watch TV every chance that we get. I’m such a sucker for television that at times my schedule revolved around the shows that I keep tabs on. Of course that was back when TV was almost my life and nothing else.

For the past ten months I have been living a TV-less life. Since then, I have been almost completely detached from popular culture. I have no idea who are the latest stars and what are the latest gossips. I’m almost completely devoid of what’s in the news too. Without MTV, I have no idea about the latest songs. Much of the updates about the world I get from the net.
At least through the net I can filter the information and entertainment I am getting, albeit with irregularity. Afterall, one of the reasons why my sister and I are against TV is the really despicable things that they are showing on TV these days, especially among the local channels. I can’t believe TV (and all other media) is currently miseducating a generation of Filipinos. Social responsibility is thrown out of the window in the quest for increased viewership, hence profits.

The pretentious ass that I am, deciding not to have any television has become a political statement of sorts. Really, at least my sister and I have been reading books like crazy. Our collection is steadily growing by the week. Reading, I think, is more challenging as you need to consciously process information, whereas TV is spoon-feeding you with information that you don’t actually need.

Increasingly though, I’m feeling alienated by my lack of knowledge about popular culture, a thing that I was relatively good at during my TV days. I can’t join the conversation of my peers when topics are about the latest trends, or about new advertisements. I’m clueless as to who is the hottest star of the moment so I don’t understand why they are gushing over Zanjoe or Pinoy Dream Academy or Philippine Idol and all that crap. I don’t know why I still care being updated of such inanities, but I seriously do.

And of course I terribly miss the TV shows that I totally enjoy watching, like Will and Grace, Survivor, The Amazing Race, ANTM, and a lot of other shows. Thank God for YouTube, last weekend I was watching the latest episode of ANTM. The Amazing Race 10 is also on YouTube now and I can’t be more than excited at orgasmic proportions. Still there a lot of shows that are not on YouTube.

Aside from being isolated from popular culture and not seeing my fave television shows, without TV I can’t watch DVD. I use to hoard DVDs back in Davao. But now I can’t watch international films anymore. I’m at the mercy of the local cinemas for movies. God, watching a movie now is super expensive.

That’s why lately I was seriously contemplating of buying my self a laptop. That involves a load of cash. The question is… who do I need to… okay, that was a joke. Anyway, I had that money set aside for quite some time until an emergency came up that I need to part ways with my savings, hence that laptop would remain a dream as well. At this point, I might have enough funds to buy a second-hand television (and a small one at that) and a cheap DVD player. I’m not sure if I’m willing to bend my stand on the ban against TV as of yet, but I’m mustering enough strength to resist the temptation.

New mantra, TV IS THE ENEMY.

Kubrador

I'm beginning to wonder... Are digital films ushering the new golden age of Philippine cinema?

With the success of Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros and Kubrador (among several others), there has been greater interest in Filipino films in the international film festival circuit. Kubrador has in fact won a number of awards in Moscow and India. Maximo Oliveros is this year's Philippine entry to the Oscars. Other Filipino films in digital format are also getting a bit of exposure in mainstream theaters, albeit only a handful of people are watching it most of the time.

I left early from the office yesterday to catch the screening of Kubrador (The Bet Collector) at the UP Film Institute (UPFI). This being the sembreak, there were only five of us in the large theater. The UPFI showed the movie three times a day for the entire week.

A lot of people are saying that Kubrador is one of the best Filipino films that has come out in years. I couldn't agree more of course.

It was made documentary style, the camera handheld and the quality is very gritty, which heightens the squalor of the slums that is setting of the film.The squatters' area is in fact a central element of the film, almost like another character of the movie. Very much like Insiang.

The opening of movie follows a man going around the labyrinthine passages, squeezed between flimsy shanties. He ends up in the house where the numbers are drawn. The cops arrive and everybody scrambles. One man is pursued by a cop and we see them jumping from one roof to another in the slum. Think Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon where Michelle Yeoh and Ziyi Zhang fly across rooftops, sans the visual effects.

The main character of the story is Amy, the bet collector herself, played by the illustrious Gina Pareño. I couldn't imagine anyone else portraying Amy. Gina fits the role to a T. I really don't want to talk much about her acting in the film because I don't want to disrespect her greatness.

Kubrador takes a glimpse of the complexity of jueteng, from the lowly person who bets even his last five pesos to the top man in the whole scheme. Johnny Manahan, in a cameo role, plays that top man; in his house coins are placed in sacks using shovels and stacks of money fill a large table.

The film is full of very interesting vignettes such as Amy praying the rosary and ending it with a plea to God that she be not caught by the police. That same day she the cops accosted her. After negotiating her release at the police station, the chief of police placed a bet to Amy no less.

The film, in fact, takes a look at the squalid state of Philippine society - ironies, hypocrisy, quirks and all. It does not go into generalities though, nor does it try to express any statements. Rather, social decay is used as a backrdrop to the daily struggle of Amy. I just hope that more people would watch Kubrador and that it would attact more international audience.

The Queer Life

I’m beginning to wonder… Are gays the most narcissistic people?

I blurted that out while having lunch with Sarah and another officemate yesterday. It was not a question actually, rather I explicitly stated: “Homosexuality is narcissism in its purest.”

We were discussing about age and how everybody’s so obsessed about it. I remarked that gays are probably most preoccupied about staying young. When you’re past 25 (which I am), you are already a has-been.

Too harsh ba? Well at least that’s my impression.

Sarah, the fag hag that she is, protested that I have such a skewed perception of gay people. Well, between Sarah and me, she knows gays better than I do because she has a slew of gay friends. She added that definitely I know the wrong kind of queers slash fags.

I’m not really sure. More and more I’m finding this gay life as seething with superficiality, chief of which is me, myself, and I. Sarah said I’m reading too much Bryanboy. Duh.

Ok fine, I made such a scathing generalization about our kind. I totally hope that I’m wrong. I totally hope that under all the cattiness, the endless prowling, the incessant vanity, there is more to gay life than this.

One Voice Was Heard (thanks to LJ)

I'm beginning to wonder... do I have the right to be blogging?

I've been blogging for the past year or so, starting with Friendster and eventually transferred to Blogspot (or Blogger). Until now I don't have any concrete motive for blogging aside from shameless self promotion and the obligatory camwhoring (of course).

Blogging is such a cliche right now that next to cellphones, it's the next most common thing among people who do not have any qualms about sharing their opinions, no matter how nonsensical their opinions may be.

I'm starting to feel that my blog is a such a mess of various things that really amount to nothing. I'm just this pretentious asshole who thinks that what I say does matter. Worse, I have the audacity to believe that people would read my inanities when other people deserved to be read.

This morning I received an email from LJ the Maton. In Davao last year, he was introduced to me by my close friend and then officemate Thea the Iro. Thea, LJ, and I (among a few other common friends) became such an instant hit. Being in their company was a total blast. I wrote a lot about our escapades in my old friendster blog.



LJ went back to Florida early this year and has since then moved to Vancouver (lucky bitch). We still managed to keep in touch through the months. LJ has been sending updates of his recent life through email to a group of his friends, including moi. Most of the time he simply shares his gay life, his travels, and his passion for volleyball. Up until then I didn't know that LJ can write really, really well.

I thus received his aforementioned email this morning and was very much awed by this post. I asked permission from him that I re-print his email for the two people who read my blog to get a snippet of the talent of LJ.

And to you LJ, it's about time you set up a blog of your own, bitch. A lot of people need to read more about you.

Here is LJ's recent chronicle.

"The past does not define who you are".

I could not forget this very statement that my Korean student once delivered in my Conversation Class. It all started with me asking them to choose a country they fantasize being the leader of. One of my students from Japan was quick to mention The United States. I was thrilled to hear this for I am from Florida but the next words I heard were more heart breaking than I could ever expect.

He continues by saying, "I want to be the leader of the United States because I want to get rid of all the Jews". I was curious why he would say that so I continued to ask why. He then proceeds by telling me that the Jews are to be blamed for all the war that is happening in this world. That the Jews are the origin of everything evil.

I almost fell off my seat. How could somebody say something like that?

My student got all stirred up that he begun to defend Mel Gibson anti-sematic comments. He claims Gibson spoke of reality.

I was angry to hear this but I kept my composure and acted as if everything was cool. I then gave my other Japanese student to a chance to express his opinion. Thinking that he will disagree, this very soft spoken student from Tokyo actually supports what the first student claimed and even added that he has actually read somewhere that the Jewish are indeed to be blamed for everything evil happening in this world. The third Japanese student, whom I always liked for being open-minded and inteligent, raises his hand. I sighed with relief for I knew this nonsense was going to stop. Aisachan will be the third one to speak and I am sure he will give a logical explanation.

I was wrong. Even my favorite student agreed with both students who spoke of this BS.

I was ready to give up but I did not so I asked them to help me understand why the Jews are to blamed of everything.

All three students were getting more and more ecstatic to defend and present their points of view. They added that the Jews were bad in the past and will always remain like that.

As I stood up and took a deep breath, another hand was raised. But it was raised in a shy and calm manner. I failed to recognize that Eun Kyang, my other Korean student was in that same class all along. She was always quiet in class. Never wanted to participate so I never pushed it.

"Hello Eun Kyang, would you like to share your opinion as well?", I asked.

"Yes, I do, teacher. I was born and raised in Korea. In my country, we are educated at an early age about our country's history. How poor our country was, how it became rich, and of course how we survived the painful treatment the Japanese has done to my ancestors. My ancestors died from the cruel hands of the Japanese but I do not hate the Japanese. I do not nurse ill feelings against all of you because I should not. I see the three of you as my classmates not as the same people who killed my people. Besides, your past does not define who you are. So, I request, that before the three of bark at the Jews for their past, be reminded of your country's history as well."

She sat down and the whole classroom was quiet. It was too quiet I could hear everybody's breathing.

The most quiet student in my class suddenly spoke. And boy was she heard!

The Launch

I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER...

-- stay tuned --

Role Model: Mariacarla Boscono

Mariacarla Boscono is my current favorite model. She's Italian. She's hot. She's fierce. See more of her here.

Photo credit: www.maricarlaboscono.hpg.ig.com.

Great Video Blog Find

I found this on Youtube today. God, this is funny. I saw some of his entries; just look for WilliamSledd on Youtube. Fabulous!!!

The Fattening Season

I'm on my nth attempt to gain weight. Since time immemorial I've been constantly trying to add some flesh to my gawky body and each time I failed miserably.

The only time that I saw a fleshier me was the period when I was regularly going to the gym. That was back in Davao where the gyms are more affordable, food is abundant, and I had better time management. I'd wake up at 4:30 am and by 5 I'd be on the treadmill or the bike for warm up. I hated lifting weights, as if I had a choice though so it consisted about 85 per cent of the program. For about three years, going to the gym was a routine for me, added by regular yoga (ok, make that semi-regular), swimming, and jogging. And I gorged on food, thanks to Daisy.

Despite all the physical activity I actually gained some weight. They were muscles I suppose because I was getting a bit of attention about how I was bulking up. It made me damn uncomfortable, the attention that is. But indeed I felt better because I didn't look awkwardly skinny anymore. Of course all that physical activity also gave me a boost of serotonin, so the confidence factor was a bit better.

Late last year, reading a lot of Bryanboy gave me the idea that being thin is in fact glamorous. So I went into my anorexia stage. It was not seriously anorexia but I avoided food more or less. I dabbled with vegetarianism (well, I still ate fish) and was conscious about carbs. I stopped working out. In three months, I lost all the bulk that I gained for three years in the gym. I was happy for a while, especially at the ease that I shed off the weight, practically effortless. Not eating is my forte after all.

My weight futher plummeted when I worked in a call center for several months. The sleep deprivation, weird schedule, chain smoking, endless cups of coffee, and general lack of apetite for anything brought me to skin and bones. My friends in Davao who saw me during my better days thought that I look like a holocaust survivor. My face was sallow, my stomach practically caved in, and I felt weak almost all the time (thanks in part to my call center work).

When I moved to my new job about a couple of months back I decided to get serious with gaining some weight again. I know for some people this can be easy but the opposite is true for me. It takes me forever to put on one pound, much less the 10 pounds (minimum) that I need to make my height-to-weight ratio at normal levels. Going to the gym is not an option at this point because I'm dirt poor, I don't even have a decent pair of sneakers. Exercise is limited to climbing MRT stations and yoga.

The only option I have at this point is eat. I've never been good at eating. I hate eating. It's laborious and such a waste of time and money. I consider food as poison to my body. But I have no other recourse. Recently I've been gorging carbohydrates and animal fat that my stomach is virtually a dumpster of sugar and animal carcasses. I feel like puking when I feel like I've over-stuffed my self.

But well, a fag has to do what he has to do to look healthy again. At this stage, I have to continue my weight gain program, which is more bread, pasta, Milo, cookies, and ice cream. Ugh! An officemate told me that I might need to take some food supplements as well. Good idea.

Last night I was saw my self in the mirror and realized that my cheeks are not as hollow as before and I am actually developing a small tummy. It might have been all in my head but a fantasy is a good start.

In the Mood for Cheongsam

Last night Sarah and I watched In the Mood for Love with less than twenty viewers at the UP Film Center. I remember watching this film for the first time in 2001 in my ex's house in Iligan. I did not really appreciate it then because I was watching it in the computer.

The movie is absolutely way better watched in the big screen because it is, more than anything else, a feast to the senses. The colors are rich, the actors are amazing, the music is rapturous.

Wong Kar Wai, the director, must've carefully studied the scenes that each of them look like paintings, exploding with deep, brooding colors. The lamps are strategically placed to highlight and hide. Walls are splashed with bold prints to bring the scenes to life. Framing is maximixed to heighten the imprisonment of the characters.

Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung star as the neighbors who develop a relationship when they discovered that their spouses are having an affair. What evolved is a love that they don't know where to bring.

Tony Leung won the Best Actor Award in Cannes for his performance in the film. Maggie Cheung radiates, and that is an understatement. She brings a heap of depth to her role given her relatively few lines. She is full of pathos that at times I wanted to scream at her to simply let go and tell the freaking guy that she loves him.

That Maggie Cheung is sexy. Sarah and I were gushing over her impeccable cheongsams (46 in all according to IMDB) and hair (that takes five hours each day to prepare, again, according to IMDB). The cheongsams are a delight! It seemed that it was the fourth character in the film. Note to self: find a pretty cheongsam pronto!

Accessory of Choice

Ah Anna!

For the past weeks or so I’ve been frequenting Powerbooks in Greenbelt 3 to read Jerry Oppenheimer’s, Front Row: The Cool Life and Hot Times of Vogue's Editor In Chief, the unauthorized biography Anna Wintour.

Long before The Devil Wears Prada came out (both the book and the movie), Anna Wintour has been a fascinating character to me. I see her on TV in the front row of EVERY major fashion show in New York, Paris, Milan, or London. She’s this lady in bob and huge sunglasses (even indoors) that lend her an air of mystery and nobility.

Her power in the global fashion industry of course in unrivaled. Vogue is the bible of fashionistas. Anna can thus dictate trends that would instantly reverberate throughout every corner of the world. Undoubtedly, Anna is one of the most, if not the most, influential person in fashion today.

Jerry Oppenheimer’s biography however paints a more complex, yet biased, portrait of the fashion icon. Chief of which is Anna’s infamous diva attitude. I’ve always loved any diva who walks around. I so dig their feeling of superiority and haughtiness, that’s why Barbra Streisand and Maria Callas always appealed to me. Anna, on the other hand, earned notoriety for being demanding, cunning, and unyielding.

According to the book, she started in the fashion magazine industry with one goal in mind – to be the editor-in-chief of American Vogue one day. She clawed her way to the top, charming a few powerful men in the publishing industry through her sex appeal. Naturally, she had to step on quite a number of people as well like a good diva always does. Nobody was simply allowed to get between her and her ascent to Vogue.

A very interesting but short section of the book talked about her ubiquitous sunglasses. While it has been generally accepted that the sunglasses are nothing but a fashion statement to make her more enigmatic, they actually function as her eyeglasses to counter the fast degradation of her eyesight, an affliction that hounds Anna’s father as well. The vain bitch that she is, she would rather wear sunglasses even in darkness than get caught wearing eyeglasses. Anna, have you heard of contact lenses?

As I said, the biography is more malicious rather than a balanced look at Anna Wintour’s life. I’m sure she’s more multi-faceted than being simply vicious the way that the book wants her to appear. In fact, Oppneheimer’s Anna borders on the caricaturish. I’ve yet to finish the book though. I go to the bookstore twice or thrice a week to read a couple of chapters or three.

But right now, Anna Wintour is my muse, my inspiration, my obsession. Maybe I should pull out all my sunglasses and start wearing them EVERYWHERE.

Heard from Japheth Last Friday...

the most successful relationships

are based on lies.

Spanish Weekend

I was so enthralled by the films at the current Spanish Film Festival, which started Tuesday last week. I watched the opeing film "Princesas" with Teng and Sarah which totally blowed us away. Teng has reviewed the film on his blog so I'm going to shut up about it because he could come up with a better review than me.

On Thursday I watched "Machuca" alone. That one is an amazing coming of age story during Chile's tumultuous political transition of sorts. A lot of times the movie reminded me of the Marcos era.

Last Friday, I was with my friend Japheth to watch "Piedras", which is a comedy about interlocking lives in Madrid, much like "Magnolia" and even "Crash", albeit lighter. Japheth and I were so suprised and amused that the film had a gay slant to it.

Incidentally, we saw Bryanboy walking around Seattle's Best at Greenbelt 3 while Japheth and I were waiting for the screening. I was awed enormously even if I only saw him for a few seconds. I know it would be the same feeling I'd have if I see (or had seen) Princess Diana, Madonna, or Oprah. It was like a quick orgasm! Hay, I wish I had the courage to run after him and had a picture taken with that bitch.

Saturday and Sunday I was with Kim. Not since college did I have the chnace to see three films in row, which is what we exactly did last Saturday.

First it was "El Metodo", which is an astute take on an application process, much like "The Apprentice", "Survivor", and "Big Brother" rolled into one. Next was "Seres Queridos", a comedy about a girl who brings her Palestinian boyfriend to her Jewish family. I'm not really good with comedies, I always find them too contrived, so I did not enjoy this one.

I watched "Princesas" again and loved it more. Hay, I wish it wins the Audience Choice Award.

Sunday, I was back at Greenbelt for more movies, starting with "Tapas". I totally enjoyed this one, which is again about interrelated stories set in Barcelona this time. The film abounds with quirky characters such as the old woman who sells drugs and the bar owner who would rather keep his place open rather than look for his wife who lelft him. This has been my second favorite film so far.

"Segundo Asalto" came in next, which is about a boxer who was trying to make ends meet until he eventually ventured into bank robbery with the prodding of his long-lost father. While I think that the film has its merits (like the super gwapo main character), I did not totally like it as much as the other films.

I'm scheduled to watch "El Abuelo" and a slew of other films so I'm setting aside what is left of my money to watch more movies this week.

Next month would be Cinemanila. God, I have a lot of saving to do!

Camwhoring

I could not help it! I had to post more pictures so here they are!!!

More of moi, myself, and I in the candle-during-brownout photo shoot. FIERCE!!!


Two pictures of Milenyo from my house.


Sarah with two quirky shoes at the Foreign Fashion Archive (guess what this means) at Makati Cinema Square.

That's all folks!

Scenes from My Recent Life

Finally I downloaded the pics from my cam, thanks to Sarah. I've accumulated quite a number of them but haven't had the chance to post here... until now.

Sarah and I were marooned in my house during Milenyo. With the power out, what better thing to do than some serious camwhoring?


This was taken during the height of the typhoon. I set the camera to slow exposure to maximize the light. This was taken right on my door with Sarah facing the light. I totally dig this picture, to think I did not even take a shower that day. I just love the strong light and somehow the t-shirt's tie dye design helped put everything just right.


This is another post-Milenyo picture in the middle of the power outage. I was bored to death so, again, camwhoring is only the best option at that time. I used candles to create the dark mood and set the cam to a very long exposure with the orange filter on. I just love how the shadows created contours on my face.


This was taken weeks ago during the 1st Philippine Blog Congress at Greenbelt 4. The one on the left is Teng and the girl is one of the participants (I'm sorry dahling, I forgot your name). I learned so much from that congress, especially on how to "monetize" this blog. But I have yet to seriously work on placing more ads, I could even hardly comprehend how to do that exactly. Oh well.


Last Sunday, the U.P. Maradjaw Karadjaw (UPMK), the student organization of Surigaonons in UP Diliman, had its gathering at the Sunken Garden. As usual, I was the photographer, hence my absence from the photo above. However, I totally dig this picture. I used the "twilight" filter of the cam to heighten the colors of the sunset. I also love frolicking in the Sunken Garden, which I absolutely miss.


The picture above of Teng and Sarah was taken last Monday. I was "directing" this "shoot" (ay feeling ANTM) and I was trying to make them believe it was some portrait for Vanity Fair. I don't know if the motivation worked well enough. Nonetheless, I just want to tell Teng and Sarah that they both rock!

Harsh, Harsh, Harsh...

My contract in my current office ends in November 15, which is about three weeks from now. I'm not sure if I'm going to be renewed because the office did not give me assurance of any extension. I knew that right from the start. So it's quite startling that in a few weeks I might have no job again.

Hay it's just so stressful thinking about it. I was totally depressed when I lost my call center job, not that I loved it. Having no income is bad enough. Thinking that it would happen soon makes me want to puke.

So for the meantime I'm looking around for jobs here and there. It's back to job hunting. Again, just thinking about makes me want to puke a hundred times. I totally abhor the helplessness when I'm lining up for an interview. At times it's even degrading, a feeling that I find very odd but could not help it nonetheless.

I'm so desperate for a more secure and high-paying job, I'm willing to be a waiter in Maldives. Right Sarah?

Haggard.

I'm taking life with so much discontent and restlessness. I always feel that there's something better for me out there but I could not seem to achieve them. I'm almost giving up so much of my plans and divert from them just so I have a sense that there's something happening to my life, which is full of underachievement and mediocrity.

Harsh.

Model Jud Ko Teh... Tanawa Ra Gud!

Current Reading

Finally I finished "Daughter of Fortune" during Milenyo. It was indeed a satisfying read although I've read better ones from other Isabel Allende books. Nonetheless, I'm still getting a copy of the sequel, "A Portrait in Sepia", just see how the rest of the story unfolds.


I was also reading "Bel Canto" by Ann Patchett by candlelight. I was so amazed by the humanity of the book's plot, which is about hostages marooned inside the house of the Vice President of an unnamed South American country. The hostages were attending a birthday bash in which famous opera singer, Roxanne Coss, was to sing. What unfolded instead were a series of relationships among and between hostages and captors.


I'm currently reading "Young Man from the Provinces: A Gay Life Before Stonewall" by Alan Helms. It's a very intriguing autobiography of a gay person in the 1950s and 1960s. It accounts the character's ascent from living in a house in Indianapolis mired in domestic violence to his glory days as the toast of the gay society in New York. It's a nice addition to my growing collection of gay novels.

Haggard, Haggard, Haggard!!!

This has been the worst 5 days in my recent life. After Milenyo ravaged the metro last Thursday, the city was drenched in darkness. Water was also cut off.

For some reason the imbeciles in Meralco could not restore power right away. A newspaper's headline this morning said that eighty-three percent of the city's electricity is back. Eighty-three percent my ass! I was on the MRT last night and noticed that much of Cubao and Makati is still in an abysmal state of darkness.

Dapat ko na yatang utosan ang mga tauhan ko na pasabugin na lang ang Meralco!

For the past days I've been fecthing water from the goundfloor. That means bringing a heavy bucket all the way to the fourth floor. I make about three trips a day. That's too much work for my frail body ha (echoz!).

Evenings are far worse. I'm reading with the aid of three candles. It's difficult to sleep without the drone of an electric fan.

I'm coming to the office today with my shirt all wrinkled.

This is too much!!! Haggard!