Angkor, Here I Come

OMG, OMG, OMFG!!! Next week, not only am I going to see Angkor Wat and the rest of the temple complexes around Siem Reap, Cambodia for five days, but I'm also going with the Pranses. Yes, he told me last night that he is traveling with me.

God, we even haven't gotten married yet and we are already having a honeymoon!!! I need my ovaries pronto.

This is going faster than I thought and I'm more than fucking thrilled.

Rolling Down the River

In November I witnessed a couple of traditional Thai celebrations that drew me to the Chao Phraya River or the River of Kings.

The first week of November was the Royal Barge Procession, a grand parade of exquisitely designed royal boats. It's a ceremony that goes with the presentation of monks' robes at the Wat Arun, led by the King. In the 60-year reign of the current king, the procession has been held only 16 times. I'm quite fortunate that this year they held it to commemorate the King's 80th birthday. The river banks were of course abuzz with people as boats full of oarsmen in full regalia floated by. The rowers had a synchronized way of handling the oars, which they sometimes held up high before dipping them back to the water. Some of the grander barges, with heads of mythical creatures at the front, carry the royalty and one boat is dedicated for the actual robes that would be presented to the monks. Reverberating in the river were chantings played from some of the barges. The whole thing had a very serene quality to it, which I totally adore.





Last night was the Loy Krathong festival, an annual celebration held all over Thailand during the full moon of the 12th month in the Thai calendar. The main ritual involved in this celebration is the release of small floats made of banana leaves that are adorned with flowers, three joss sticks, and a small candle. It's supposedly a symbolic letting go of one's grudges and all else negative, and also to pray a better year ahead. Any body of water is a venue for these rituals but perhaps one of the largest concentrations of people was the Chao Phraya river.


So off to the river I went last night with A, my Singaporean housemate, who is soooo keen on everything Thai he actually released one float for himself as well. On the other hand, I stayed on the side lines, took random pictures, and marveled at the crowd in the pier. Large barges lit with gaudy designs and blasting music floated past us. Fireworks lighting the sky were reflected on the water.

J'adore Lumphini Park

We actually met again. Yeah, the Pranses. He has been the only person so far who wanted to have a second meeting. I couldn't be more excited, but also quite surprised. We had early afternoon coffee, talked about our impressions of the Land of Smiles, talked about politics.

At around 2 pm we moved to Lumphini Park, which is touted as Bangkok's Central Park. I've seen the park a dozen of times but I've never went inside it until this afternoon. In the park, we went around the lakes/ponds for a few minutes until we finally chose to sit on the grass by the water, under the shade of tall trees. We talked more about travel and art, and more politics. We eventually ended up talking about being gay in Bangkok and since he had been living here for about three years now he had more than a mouthful to say about how tricky dating can be in this city. I wish I had my notebook with me so I can take notes.

For a change, I had a "date" with someone who's very intellectually stimulating. It was refreshing to meet a man who was not there just to have some mindless hook up. Of course on my part I could not resist being drawn to his very deep eyes, but the great conversation pulled me back to my senses. Until he started lying on the grass. Damn, that was completely sexy, I was this close to stealing a kiss from him. I'm a slut, I know. So I asked him to sit back up and tried avoiding his gaze from then on so I could actually focus on what we were talking about.

Slowly the sun set. Some people were releasing these small floats in the lake for the Loy Krathong Festival. On our way out we saw the full moon rising behind the tall buildings that surround the park. I've never had such a satisfying "date" with anyone... EVER.

And oh, he proposed that we take a trip to Koh Samet, an island three hours from BKK, when he comes back from Toulouse, his hometown, after the New Year. How sweet is that? But do I actually believe him? Ugh.

We agreed to meet again soon. Of course I don't count on it that much. They all say that. But for what the afternoon in the park was worth, I had a great time.

Lust, Lust

Ang Lee's latest masterpiece, Lust, Caution, finally opened in Bangkok yesterday. And it's about time coz I've been waiting for the film for the longest time now.

I love, love, love it. Where do I start? Well, the first thing that really captured me was the actress Wei Tang, who sustained a cunning portrayal of a woman torn apart by her political views and, well, her lust. She just ensnared me. That bitch can have a million expressions on her face ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Divine, divine. Tony Leung delivered the goods of course, ditto for Joan Chen. The gorgeous Lee-Hom Wang however was a distraction. I did not see in him the passion that supposedly possesses revolutionaries. Meanwhile, the costume was resplendent - cheongsams, coats, suits and all.

The big disappointment of the evening however is how the movie's sex scenes were completely carved out of the film. And it's one aspect of the movie that really created a lot buzz ha. But dahling, I did not even see a fucking nipple, either male or female! Censorship, I don't get it.

Anyhoot, I still loved the film even if it dragged on for what seemed like three hours, even if the hadahan was cut, even if I would have loved to see Lee-Hom Wang naked.

***

Lookie, lookie, I finally got a pair of skinny jeans last night. Oh my, I've long lusted for skinny jeans, which are widely, and I mean fucking widely, worn by Thai men. While waiting for the film screening, I walked around the shopping mecca of Siam Square and I landed in this tiny booth that had those irresistible skinny jeans. I know, it was an impulsive purchase, a thing I hardly do. But I could not resist it. It was divine, it was cheap (only 600 baht or 830 pesos, and the average price in most stores is over 1,000 baht), so I simply I had to buy the pair.

I'm soooo going to blend in with those gawgeous Thai men now, no?

Please tell me it's bagay.


***

And oh, I finally met the daddy of my kids last night. I swear I'd move mountains to have his babies pronto. We watched the film together but since it ended rather close to midnight we only chatted a bit. It was such an innocuous "date", if I can call it as such. But it definitely holds some promise (drama queen kicking in).

Oh shit, somebody please teach me how to say I want your babies now in French.

Shelf Life in BKK

As I've mentioned in my previous post, my work is generally not demanding. On normal days I practically don't do anything except surf and chat, surf and chat, surf and chat... or go to my room and take extended midday naps.

On rare occasions, if I have some actual work to do, I finish all my tasks by lunch time and so I revert to surfing and chatting (what else?). This seemed exciting for the first weeks but I realized eventually that I have to make wise use of my time rather than allow my brain turn into mush.

So I started raiding our small library, which has an amazing, amazing, collection of books on art, architecture, travel, culture, history, archeology, economics, geography and perhaps every other topic that excites me (except porn, damn!).

The books are quite old though but I don't care. The library is in such a disarray as well, making the search for really interesting books doubly exciting.

I started by reading some books on Bangkok, about the evolution of its urban landscape in particular, and about the rise and fall of the Thai economy. These I've finished a few months back.

One of the most enlightening books that I read is Southeast Asia: Past and Present (D.R. Sardesai). It's strange that in school we were taught about the history of China, Japan, and Europe, and perhaps every other part of the world but our Southeast Asian neighbors.

The book reaffirmed my embarrassment at how little I actually know about the historical experience of this region. I asked my Thai and Singaporean officemates if they also studied Southeast Asian history in their school. Apparently, they did not as well. How strange is that?

I think one of the most interesting questions of Southeast Asian history however is how it can best forge an objective account of its past despite the many fissures that existed and may still exist between these countries.

For instance, Cambodia and Vietnam used to be bitter enemies, and even way way back, Thailand and Cambodia were enmeshed in recurring episodes of border wars, conquests, and such.

If history is to be written as a tug of war between heroes and villains, identifying who is who is definitely another point of disagreement when it comes to writing Southeast Asian history.

Another book that caught my fancy is Race and Culture: A World View (Thomas Sowell), which takes a look at how often one group's culture determines their social position in societies where they migrate to (often taking the role of racial minorities).

Repeatedly the author cites the examples of the Chinese and Jews who almost always rise to occupy higher economic standing wherever they go. This he credits to cultural values of these people, such as willingness to work longer hours and their high propensity to save. Further, the author discusses the implications of race on slavery, migration, economics, conquest, and even intelligence.

At at time when talking about race is practically taboo, the author was courageous enough to cite trends in history that show how certain racial groups tend to exhibit adeptness in certain fields wherever they may be. However, perceived "superiority" in this fields are not always fixed and may change over time.

Anyway, here's a list of some of the books on my shelf: three guide books on Cambodia, one about Angkor, another one about old buildings in Bangkok, and one on the art and architecture of Myanmar. Right now I have in my hand a book that I'm not supposed to be reading at all. Wink, wink.

Photo credits: (1) Perseus Books (2) Shop this Blog

Issues

In the past months my quest for a decent relationship had been loaded with wrong turns and dead ends. It's definitely frustrating. At 19 (wink, wink), I should've figured out the complexities of dating by now but that is not the case for me who, for quite some time, had been secluded from the mean world of, ehem, men. There's rejection, unmet commitments, and of course my predilection for drama. And oh, add to that, naïveté.

Last weekend, I found my self nearly falling to the temptation of being callous with other people's feelings. I thought it is the best way to play this twisted game. It might've been a knee-jerk reaction to the frustration. Maybe a self-defense mechanism as well? Who fucking knows?

I choose not to go that path at all even if I end up relentlessly battered by disappointments - either self-inflicted or not. If there's anything I learned, one cannot make other people pay for the so-called injuries others have brought on me. It's purely immature otherwise.

Moreover, I have to be more accountable for my own feelings. I've long known this and have applied such for most situations, except in dating. Ugh. I told a friend recently that my self esteem has plummeted several times over the past months. And what, over a string of failed dates? I can't be more mature than that, I bloody swear.

So let's just say that I'm in this epic journey of finding my place in this brutally agonizing universe of gay dating. Yes, epic kung epic it is. I can't be more excited to see where this goes.

Work It!

The internet at the office is acting up for the entire week. I’ve never even bothered to check porn for this week, can you imagine that? My office email is also fucked up, which comes at a bad time coz we are organizing a symposium at the end of the month. Oh, on account of that I’ve been actually busy. [Since coming here my work has been dreadfully unchallenging on most days.] And now for this symposium I’ve already whisked out a rambling speech on religion and peace, two things that I don’t really care about coz I’m perpetually superficial anyway. Well, that’s work. But at least that makes me useful once and for all.

Oh, by the way, here's a pic of my new hair. Promise, no more hair posts from now on.

A Gay Weekend

Despite the seemingly disastrous episode that I had with E (refer to the two previous posts), my weekend turned out to be exceptionally satisfying.

Friday night. E failed to show up. That ends the story of E and me. I had the chance however to meet my former officemates who were in BKK for a meeting last week. It was a short chat in the hotel lobby but it was an excellent chance to catch up on my previous colleagues and supervisors. Shortly before midnight I went to S, the gay bar nearest my house, for some beer. Of course I made it sure that I paraded my pretty self (hihihihi) around them stunning Thai men. Hahahaha. In other words, nag-puta po ako ng konti.

Saturday. Lunch was with my former supervisor J. Hay J, the always sosyal person that he is, brought me to this swanky hotel along the river for lunch. Salamat salamat, J for the generosity. [BTW, as pasalubong, J gave me a set of precious Celeteque products, the only facial line that I allow to touch my skin. Choz!] After lunch we went around the hotel's neighborhood, which was charmingly peppered with old, colonial buildings we actually felt we were in Intramuros in Manila.

From there we went to Siam Square. J shopped and I had a haircut. Yeah, another one that had to be done professionally this time. I had no idea which salon to go to, I simply chose the most crowded one on the assumption that they must be good to deserve such a deluge of patrons. It was a good choice of a salon, thank goodnes. It was by far the most expensive haircut I've had (350 baht, or around 420 pesos) but was pretty well worth it. Coz I can't communicate with the hair cutter they gave me a catalog of hairstyles from which I chose my preferred cut. I opted to have it trimmed really close to the scalp. It sounds like a simple procedure but I watched with awe how the hair cutter carefully sculpted my hair, putting some strategic layers and spikes here and there. And then another person did the styling, the process of which I paid close attention to so I can replicate it on my own. Today I had to buy this styling wax and round brush which shall become essential tools to my daily hair-styling routine. I miss my long hair to be quite honest, however I'm also excited about this new cut I have. That should finally end my hair crisis and I shall try to stop writing about my hair from now on. Pics will be posted soon.

In the evening J and I joined two BKK-based gay Pinoys, JP and D, in Silom for dinner at McDonald's (where else?). It was a raucous dinner of course. D in particular went on and on about his recent traumatic love life, which taught me a great deal about handling my horrific attempts at... love. Ewwww! Anyway, I've never had so much fun in so many weeks as I had last night in the company of such a rowdy group of people. After McDo, J and I went to a crowded Silom gay bar where I had such a blast in the middle of this swirling horde of gay men. I'm sooooo going back next week. Ituloy ang pagpuputa!

Today, I took a ride on the river to visit JP, who gave me a rundown of the gossip about Pinoys in BKK. Thanks JP for being such a nice host.

So there, that's my weekend. Masaya. Masayang masaya.

Oh Well, I Spoke Too Early

Damn, I should've known better. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. There, another one down the drain.

You Learn
Alanis Morissette

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Oh Well...

...I hope this time it works coz I really like him.

Photo Credit: Bangkok of the Mind

Why Should I Care

I'm so crazy over this song. It's an old one, from the movie True Crime, and supposedly Clint Eastwood had a hand in writing this masterpiece. Diana Krall is fucking superb in bringing out so much emotion to this piece.

Do your self a favor dear, watch this video.

"Why Should I Care"

Was there something more I could have done?
Or was I not meant to be the one?
Where's the life I thought we would share?
And should I care?

And will someone else get more of you?
Will she go to sleep more sure of you?
Will she wake up knowing you're still there?
And why should I care?

There's always one to turn and walk away
And one who just wants to stay
But who said that love is always fair?
And why should I care?

Should I leave you alone here in the dark?
Holding my broken heart
While a promise still hangs in the air
Why should I care?

From Lady-boy to Tomboy

Arrrrghhhh... I had to cut my hair once again. This time, instead of going for the Victoria Beckham cut, I went all the way to Agyness Deyn territory. And once again, I did it my self.

I did not really have plans of chopping off my mane, which I have been growing for more than a year already. It might have been quite bothersome maintaining such an unruly head of curls but let's admit it, I look nice in them, di ba? But then, apparently not a lot people agree with me, especially here in Thailand. Most people think that I'm a lady-boy (that's how they call transsexuals here) just because I have long hair. I don't even have to dress like a woman to merit such a label. My long hair is enough apparently. WTF!

So last night I went back to the bathroom mirror armed with a dull pair of scissors (the kind that we use in the office!). Grabbed some hair. Snipped. Snipped. Snipped. Clumps of hair falling on my shoulder, some landing on the tiles. In less than a couple of minutes I was done.

Here are some before-and-after shots.

From left: (1) two weeks ago; (2) one week ago; (3) last night.

What do you think? Hot or not? Don't I look like a bloody dyke?

Di-fucking-vine

Oh my God. Spice Girls' new video of Headlines (Friendship Never Ends). This is precious.

Baby Spice is obese.
Sporty Spice looks like a woman for the first time.
Scary Spice is so unremarkable.
Posh Spice is freaky.
Ginger Spice I love. I fucking love the body. She owned this video.

Doesn't this remind you of your childhood? It does for me.